7.4%

I am probably the worst blogger ever. I've neglected my blog for over a month and a new blog post is well overdue. The past few weeks have been difficult, busy and for the most part, stressful; but I won't go into too much detail about that. In all honesty, diabetes hasn't been at the forefont of my mind lately, I've just been plodding along with it- I guess you could say I've been surviving- not thriving. I didn't even blog or tweet for Diabetes Week- and that's saying something! Just know that I've been trying to blog and been trying to find the right time to blog and nothing has ever felt right, I have a tendency to write drafts up and never post them...I get distracted easily.

Side note: It was my 6 year diaversary on the 21st of June!

What I'm about to say now is something that fills me with an immense amount of pride and it's taken me five and a half years to get to this point, and despite everything that's happened these past few weeks- I've managed to get my HbA1c to 7.4%! If you read my blog regularly, or if you've been reading it for a long time then you'll know that my diabetes has never really been well controlled- for as long as I can remember my HbA1c's have been over 10% and I say it took me five and a half years to get to a HbA1c of 7 because the last time I saw a HbA1c like that was literally a few months after diagnosis. I've been asked by people "How did you do it?" and the truth is, I don't know! Something clicked earlier this year and I've been on the ball with my diabetes ever since- I really can't even pinpoint what it is that I did to get back on track, it just sort of happened.

I have had the motivation for a long time, I always had bouts of it but never managed to keep up a routine for more than about a week. It's always been the way with me and for a long time I thought that was how it was always going to be. But I proved myself wrong, and I love the fact that I didn't prove anyone else wrong- because the people around me never lost faith in me- my mum and dad always reminded me that I can do this, and my consultant would always say "we'll get there..." after yet another disappointing HbA1c. And I have done it, and I've got there and I got a high 5 from my consultant and I'm proud of myself! I'm so so proud and I didn't imagine that I would have a HbA1c that is this good for a long time.

I feel as though I've abandoned my blog lately but I'm ready to get back on track. I'm glad that my first post after not blogging for a month is something positive, I'm glad that I've been able to share my awesome HbA1c as my first post back.

-Ellie

Joe's blog

I was messaged by Joe a couple of days ago and he let me know about his blog that he recently set up about his Type 1 Diabetes and he asked me if I would be able to share it for him, so of course I said yes. So, here is Joe's blog: http://www.vouchercodespro.co.uk/diabetes

Joe is 26 and was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 18. He says that starting a blog has been "really eye opening how big and brilliant the DOC is" and he wishes that he'd "known about it a lot sooner" and wants to show everyone with diabetes that we aren't alone and wants "everyone to know how much support is out there" and that's basically the intention I have for my blog, and I definitely agree with the DOC being brilliant! I think Joe's blog is really good, and I enjoyed reading it, so I would definitely recommend it and I'm sure it will go far and be a hit with the Diabetes Online Community. It's one to add to the list of fab diabetes blogs. To be honest, any blog about life with diabetes is fab because it's tough to live with diabetes and it takes dedication keep up a blog!

I would be able to write more about Joe's blog, however, my blood sugar is 3.1 as of about a second ago and unfortunately the need for treating my low blood sugar has taken over!

Anyway, I think Joe's blog is really good because it's funny and witty and captures really well just what it's like to live with Type 1.Thanks to Joe for contributing to all of the wonderful diabetes blogs that exist within the Diabetes Online Community, every diabetes blog out there is so helpful, and interesting and informative and everything that's good! (Apart from the ones that try and advertise cinnamon cures, those ones aren't so good...) And they're all a way of raising awareness and they are a lovely reminder that those of us with diabetes aren't alone in any aspect of it.

-Ellie

Keep It To Yourself #DBlogWeek

The topic for today's post of Diabetes Blog Week 2015 is #KeepItToYourself.

"Many of us share aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet? Or from your family and friends? Why is it important to keep it to yourself? (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone. There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects. Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won't tell them.)" 

I have a lot of posts on this blog that I've drafted up, but never posted. They stay on my list of posts as a draft, and I've never posted them, and I'm never going to! They're my thoughts, some of my deepest darkest thoughts that I've typed up when I was having a bad day with diabetes. I really think that there are certain things that just don't need to be said, or shared, with the internet! I like to keep them to myself, and I don't think I would like people to know; not because these drafted posts are anything sinister or disturbing or whatever, but just that they're my feelings- I've poured my heart out in a lot of them! I don't like the idea of someone reading them because I don't like the way that I might "look"...I do my best to keep my blog as positive as possible and yes, I do share the negatives because I feel like they have to be said but some things might make me look a little "too negative"! I also sometimes feel like maybe I'll look "weak" if I share my most vulnerable moments...the aim of my blog isn't to make people feel sorry for me, it's to show that diabetes isn't easy but I'm okay! And some of my drafted posts really don't reflect that message when I'm feeling down about it.

I also know that within the Online Diabetes Community that, like any group of people, there are a lot of different opinions and sometimes I feel like some things are better left unsaid. Basically there are certain topics that people would prefer not to talk about, and there are certain feelings towards diabetes that perhaps some people who also have diabetes don't feel and sometimes it can cause a little bit of controversy when people try to justify the way they're feeling. Sometimes I feel like diabetes is terrible, but there's always someone who will tell you it isn't, but when you're having a bad day with it you are so convinced that it is. But of course, not everyone responds with a backlash, in fact almost everyone on the #DOC is fabulous, it's just some people that I've seen on Facebook posts just make people irritated...

So yeah, I don't want to make people depressed with my posts! But I always say that I'm never going to sugar coat any aspect of diabetes that I choose to talk about.

One more thing!

Not everyone keeps certain things to themselves...and I feel like maybe they should, because their opinion is not quite what everyone wants to hear. The biggest example being people who have these mad ideas for a cure that do not exist. Maybe they should learn to keep more to themselves.

-Ellie

I can #DBlogWeek

This year I have decided that I will attempt to blog every day this week for DBlog Week. Diabetes Blog Week is kicking off with positivity and the topic for the first blog post of Diabetes Blog Week 2015 is #ICan.

"In the UK, there was a diabetes blog theme of "I can..." that participants found wonderfully empowering. So lets kick things off this year by looking at the positive side of our lives with diabetes. What have you or your loved one accomplished, despite having diabetes, that you weren't sure you could? Or what have you done that you've been particularly proud of? Or what good thing has diabetes brought into your life?" 

I can do anything despite having Type 1 Diabetes, it just takes a little extra planning.

I can live my life just as my twin sister and my friends and other people my age do and Type 1 Diabetes can't take that from me.

I can overcome the challenges Type 1 Diabetes presents me with.

I can and have achieved a HbA1c of under 10% in just 3 months, even if I told my psychologist I aimed to achieve this in a year.

I can get up for school in the morning (Sometimes!) even after a tough night with my blood sugars.

I can prove to my consultant that one of these days I really will "get there", for a long time I didn't even know where that was, let alone when I would get there.

I can and have sat my GCSE exams and passed with an abundance of A's and B's.

I can complete a 5k race without Type 1 Diabetes getting in the way...the only thing getting in my way is my lack of stamina!

I can ride rollercoasters over and over again without being bothered by my blood sugar.

I can and have mastered the art of devouring a slice of bread in a few seconds- low blood sugar teaches you all about being speedy...

I can drink a bottle of water in record speed!

I can tell you about some of the positive things that having Type 1 Diabetes has brought into my life.

I can tell you about the time that I went to Parliament with Diabetes UK and spoke in the House of Commons to support their campaign for better healthcare for Children and Teenagers with Type 1 Diabetes.

I can tell you about the time that I went to Parliament with JDRF, was Co-Chair and did a speech for the event- Type 1 Parliament.

I can tell you about the time that I completed my Bronze Duke of Edinburgh award and made it out alive! Despite Type 1 Diabetes making attempts to ruin my fun.

I can tell you about when I first started this blog, and I can also tell you that I never thought it would have nearly 50,000 views two years later.

I can eat whatever I want and be totally fine afterwards with no major blood sugar mishaps.

I can be thankful for some of what Type 1 Diabetes has done for me.

I can be thankful for the wonderful friends that I have met through having Type 1 Diabetes, such as Holly, Paris, Chloe, Lydia and Ellyse to name a few.

I can be thankful for the #DOC, for the brilliant people that I talk to on Twitter and on Instagram who give me lots of support and advice.

I can still see the beauty in life and in this world despite having Type 1 Diabetes.

I can still smile and laugh even after a rough day/week/month (however long a rough patch with Type 1 could possibly last!) with Type 1 Diabetes.

I can use my experiences with Type 1 Diabetes to help others that are going through it too.

I can understand what it is like to feel like the moment you're diagnosed your world turns upside down, but be here six years later with my feet still planted firmly on the ground!

I can tell you that I may only be 17 years old but Type 1 Diabetes has made me mature faster than any of my friends and even my twin sister; and that's not exactly a bad thing.

I can say that although Type 1 Diabetes is hard and it has it's ups and downs and I would much rather not have it; it has given my life even more value.

I can appreciate and be even more grateful for life and live it to the full.

I can be healthy and happy and do everything that other people can do despite living with Type 1 Diabetes!
(...apart from things like scaling buildings and other scary things...I'm a bit of a wimp)

And I can still aspire to do great things in life and I can and will always have hope for a cure.

...I can do a lot of other things that I forgot to mention in this blog post, or just didn't mention for the purpose of not making this blog post too long!

-Ellie

Back on the pump

Tonight I was reunited with my insulin pump. A couple of months ago I made the decision to take it off, I decided that I wanted a break from it but also I felt like I needed to be back on injections to allow myself to find 'routine' again. I feel like I will always have to be the kind of person who has to consciously tell myself to test and give insulin, I often lose the routine of caring for my diabetes and when that happens wearing my pump isn't the best idea.

The pump has two main functions, one is to deliver insulin as a 'basal', the basal rates on a pump have the same effect that your background insulin injection (e.g lantus) would do. The difference is that the basal rate is a fast-acting insulin and so it continuously drips through the cannula all throughout the day and night helping to keep your blood sugars stable just as an injection of lantus or levemir does. 

The other main function on the insulin pump is the 'bolus', a bolus is an extra push of insulin through the tubing when you eat or need to correct, it's the equivalent of an injection of fast acting insulin. 

And the joy of the insulin pump is that all of this can be done with the push of a few buttons. 

However for me, the functions of an insulin pump that are so brilliant are both a blessing and a curse. 

What I'm saying is that a lot of the time that I've been on my insulin pump (more so in the past year or two) there have been times where I have become 'lazy' with it, so to speak. I relied on the basal rate to keep my blood sugars from going super high and I hardly ever bolused because I thought it wouldn't be a huge issue, I knew I would run high but I also knew the basal rate would cover me in terms of having insulin in my body to avoid ketones. So all in all I let my basal rates deal with the blood sugar and I fell out of routine over and over again. It's bad, I know! But it's the way things often got for me and that's why when I get like that I switch back to injections for a little while. 

Switching back to injections is a bit like a "fresh start". When you're on injections you have no choice but to inject or you'll develop ketones because there is no basal rate to keep you covered. So knowing that I absolutely have to inject or go into DKA is what helps me get into routine again because I bolus like I should and give the background insulin. 

And then come along wonderful blood  sugars and they help with my motivation because I work harder to keep them in range. After spending so long with constantly high blood sugars I found that I developed an "I've got nothing to lose' attitude and so often wouldn't test because I knew I would be high anyway  and/or would test, see that I was high and just not do anything about it because I didn't want to deal with it and/or think "I'm high anyway so I have nothing to lose if I don't give insulin for this". So my point is that seeing good blood sugars is a real motivation for me in itself because I try harder to keep them that way once I achieve them. 

And with better blood sugars and having to inject or risk DKA comes the routine. I manage to find it again and I find myself again and I remember that being high all the time is not okay. 

So after having a two month break from my insulin pump I feel ready to put it back on again. However I'm taking it slow and will only be using it for boluses and corrections, my background insulin will still be done as an injection of lantus to help me avoid becoming reliant on it and not bolusing as I should. 

I hope this is the last time that I've had to switch back to injections from my pump. I don't want to spend the rest of my life not being able to keep up the routine, I don't want to continue having these spells of laziness and complacency with my insulin pump. I want to be able to stay on the ball properly and be able to do this properly. I don't want to be the kind of person who will never quite fully grasp the act of controlling diabetes, I want testing and giving insulin to come easy to me, I want it to be permanently etched into my mind because that way I can be me. 

And me is someone who wants to be healthy and happy and live life to the full,  I don't want caring for diabetes to always have to be such a challenge for me. 

When I was diagnosed I was told looking after diabetes would become as routine to me as brushing my teeth, six years later I'm not quite at that point but I'm getting there and switching back to injections has helped me reduce my HbA1c from 12.9% in January to 8.9%. 

I still have a way to go, but let's hope I can keep up the good work. Seeing a HbA1c under 8% is a massive goal for me and I'm going to fight damn hard to get there. 

-Ellie 

My blog: Two years on

My blog is officially two years old!
I honestly cannot believe how quickly these past two years have gone and in all honesty I feel like it's been much longer than two years. In the post I wrote last year for my blog's 1 year anniversary I referred back to my early posts, this time I'm going to refer back to last year's post and take the time to say how amazed I am that my blog has gained a further 22,000 views since then.

When I started blogging I didn't expect to get much out of it, I just wanted to write purely because I enjoy writing and I wanted to channel this into something productive, and so I set up this blog to raise awareness for Type One Diabetes, but this blog has become not only a platform for raising awareness, but an outlet for me to express whatever I'm feeling in regards to diabetes, and to talk about diabetes and my thoughts. I blog not only for the benefit of others but for my benefit too, and that's what makes my posts even more worthwhile.

It's also a bit like memory lane looking back through my old posts, I like that I have posts from two years ago that I can go back and read, it's nice to reflect on things. In one of my early posts I mentioned that I couldn't sleep, and I had a practice GCSE maths exam in the morning, two years later and I've passed my GCSE's and my AS levels, and I'm now studying A2 and have applied for University. I was just 15 when I started  blogging and now I'm almost 18, I feel like a lot of maturing took place from the time I started this blog to now.

I feel like a bigger part of the diabetes community with my blog, it's opened me up to the world of blogging and raising awareness and I've spoken to and met a bunch of fabulous people along the way, not just from my blog but from twitter too. I hope my blog will continue to grow as it has done in the past two years because it is absolutely one of the things that I am the most proud of.

Control

Anyone who knows me will know that I've always struggled to stay in control of my diabetes properly for longer than about a week. It's just always been something that hasn't come naturally to me in the five and a half years that I've been diagnosed, it always felt like something else in my mind took priority over diabetes and it would get pushed to the back, I suppose you could say that diabetes took a back seat for the majority of my diagnosis for whatever reason. Until now.

I have to change, things need to be different. I need to be healthy, and everyone who cares about me needs to know that I will be ok. I need to prove to myself that I can control my diabetes and that my dream of seeing a HbA1c below 7% is achievable. Seeing a high HbA1c is not how it should be, I need to face diabetes head on once and for all and stay in control, and for the past few weeks I've found myself doing just that.

I went into Diabetic Ketoacidosis a few weeks ago. I went into hospital on the Thursday and was discharged on the Tuesday, my consultant wanted to give my body a break from all the high blood sugar I had been having, so although I was out of DKA by the Friday the nurses took over my diabetes care from that moment on for a few days and got my body used to normal blood sugar again. On the day I was discharged I realised that I could see without my glasses on, anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I was extremely confused at this, but I liked it. My eye sight was clear as day, I couldn't stop looking around- my eyes lasted three days before they went back to being blurred again. I was disappointed to say the least when I realised I no longer had 20/20 vision, something which I hadn't had since I was about eight years old. I've come to the conclusion that my eyes got a little excited about my blood sugars being controlled again, although I still find it hard to apply this theory to the situation because I've been wearing glasses since before I was diagnosed with diabetes, so it's not like diabetes was the initial cause for my blurred vision.

Anyway, my point in saying all of this is because I realise just how much diabetes affects my eyes, we all know diabetes can cause all sorts of horrible things and we all know that one of the most commonly affected by diabetes are our eyes, but it doesn't seem as "real" until you see the effects. I've always said that the complication I would be most devastated about if I ever unfortunately got any would be if I developed retinopathy, I would hate that, I don't know how I would handle losing my sight. I am a very visual person, I want to do film studies at Uni and I like seeing the world around me, I hate darkness...and I hate that diabetes threatens my eyes so much. It's clear to me how much fluctuating glucose levels impact my eyes and it's an impact I want to minimise as much as possible. But don't get me wrong, I want to avoid all the complications.

I'm not going to lie, at a time when I was really really bad at controlling my diabetes and I had a HbA1c of 15% I didn't think about complications and to a certain extent they didn't worry me, the threat of them didn't seem enough to make me control my diabetes. Basically, I couldn't be scared into controlling my diabetes and I know I wasn't the only one who felt like that. It sounds weird doesn't it? Because controlling my diabetes centers around three main things, staying safe, preventing complications and having a life: having the energy and good blood sugar to be able to live your life to the full and live it well. All three of those things are something that can't be achieved in a constant state of high blood sugar.

As I said at the beginning of this post controlling my diabetes is something that I have found myself successfully doing for the past few weeks and I am immensely proud of myself. I can't remember the last time that my diabetes was this well controlled apart from the times that my diabetes has been controlled for me in hospital. My blood sugar meter tells me that I have a 7-day average blood sugar of 7.3mmol and a 14-day average blood sugar of 7.9, and to me this is awesome and I don't see why it wouldn't be awesome to anyone else who knows that I've struggled with keeping my blood sugar in range for as long as I can remember.

It's crazy how one minute I was living a totally ordinary life and then I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and suddenly everything changed. There isn't an aspect of my life that diabetes doesn't impact and that's something that I find incredibly frustrating but I deal with it. I deal with diabetes because I don't have a choice, and I know it's hard, but however hard it gets I just go with it because I have to. I can't run away from diabetes although I've wished that I could plenty of times.

I think I've noticed that the only way to really feel a little bit ok about having diabetes for me is to be in control of it and I know that's easier said than done, but believe me, if you're struggling with your diabetes there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't quite see it, just keep going. My consultant told me that having control of your blood sugars really improves your mood and the first thing I noticed when I was back in control was that sense of optimism and motivation that I had lost for so long and I intend to keep things that way.