It's been 1 whole year

Please tell me that it's not just me who gets the urge to blog in the early hours of the morning?

Anyway. So I had the opening line set out in my head for this blog post even while I was turning on my laptop "Welcome to my first blog post of 2016!"...*Last posted Jan 24th 2016* oh. Ok so welcome to my second post of 2016!

Today's date is the 12th February 2016. On February 12th 2015 was the last time in one whole year that I've been admitted to hospital in Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Proud face. The past few years I have not had a good run with diabetes, and as my consultant put it "You've struggled having diabetes." And a couple of years ago I was probably in DKA at least twice a year, diabetes just hasn't been too kind to me and I've found myself not exactly doing as I should to look after myself properly on occasion. So to realise that I haven't been in DKA, or even been close to it for a whole year is a proud realisation for me. It's been a whole year since the last time I've had to deal with ketones, since I've had to deal with the fact that my blood is turning acidic by the hour, since I've had to have insulin and saline and potassium pumped into my veins, since I've seen the inside of an Emergency department, since my blood sugar has been so high that I've thrown up. One whole year with out my body finding itself in the midst of a crisis that it can't fix.



My last admission was probably the most dramatic of them all, ironically. I was at a psychology appointment at about 11am, in the midst of crying about how much I'm struggling with my diabetes at that moment. Realising I had forgotten my levemir the night before sent me into a mild internal panic and it dawned on me that I didn't feel so great. Bearing in mind this point in my life was probably one of the lowest points I had ever been at in terms of my diabetes so testing my blood sugar and properly giving myself insulin was not on the top of my list. On the suggestion of my psychologist I checked my blood sugar, 'HI' and my ketones were 7.4, an all time high even for me. I think even she panicked, she obviously had never encountered this issue with one of her patients before and most likely did not anticipate it! She was the clinical psychologist so worked in close connection with all the diabetes consultants, meaning she was able to quickly call my consultant who said to go to A&E and that he would call ahead. It was really quite dramatic and really quite embarrassing if I'm honest, I think I was sort of hoping the ground would swallow me up. I dislike the idea of being treated like an invalid or coming across like I can't help myself, so succumbing to being in one of the worst episodes of DKA in my diabetes life so far and knowing that I just have to get over myself and realise that people will make a fuss over my body's current state of affairs was difficult to swallow to say the least, there wasn't enough room to swallow that and my pride.



Thankfully it was the end of my appointment anyway so my psychologist walked me over to A&E and sure enough my consultant had called ahead and I was seen virtually straight away. A heart rate of 165bpm lead to the nurse feeling my wrist manually, obviously assuming a machine malfunction! Wires and needles and ugly hospital gowns and blood pressure cuffs and blood tests ensued within 20 minutes of arriving and I was feeling a little bit like a fool, a little bit, well not a little, a lot, unwell and I had again found myself in the grasp of the more extreme side of a life with Type 1 Diabetes. My consultant came down and he's totally cool and understanding so no worries there, he said I would definitely be there for the weekend. That day was a Thursday and I went home on the Tuesday. I spent Valentine's Day in hospital, not like I had anyone specific to spend it with but I was still feeling the love when these two little girls came round giving people heart-shaped balloons. So it was a slightly misshapen heart but it's the thought that counts!



That week went by very slowly, and the boredom of course nearly killed me more than the DKA did. I think I ate the same meal twice on many occasions and at one point the nurse said "You had that yesterday didn't you?" Yeah? And? I was also still sitting on this bed yesterday but neither of us can change that either. I saw my psychologist a couple of times while on the ward and my consultant also came up to see me a couple of times too, and thankfully I have a wonderful family who came to visit me sometimes too, but obviously they couldn't be at the hospital with me all the time and I didn't expect them to be either so I had a lot of time to think to myself about things and reflect on a lot of things that I didn't think about before and it was all just a massive eye-opener for me and I reckon that has a lot to do with the reason why that episode of DKA was the last for a whole year and hopefully many more.



Naturally feeling better meant taking a selfie in the hospital toilets, as you do.

So even though it's been quite the year, in a pretty depressing way in all honesty, I've been able to keep myself out of DKA and I'm super proud of myself for that and I'm proud of my diabetes for being kind to me and even allowing me to have an, even though short-lived, HbA1c of 7.4% back in 2015 for the first time in years. All in all the whole year of 2015 was pretty crap, but coming out the other side having managed to keep my sh** together with Type 1 through all the rubbish is a pretty good achievement for me.



And here I am now! 1 year on, no DKA, go me!

P.S. I am currently recovering from a tonsillectomy, and boy do I have a story to tell you about it.

-Ellie

Pumps

I feel like I have a little bit of a rant coming on. I want to tell you all about my experience with an insulin pump. I have had an insulin pump for a little bit over 4 years and I can tell you it has been a love-hate relationship. But I realise that I'm fortunate to have this special bit of technology attached to my hip 24/7 because a lot of people don't get the chance. Diabetes is a disease that is very much up to the patient to control, I say we're in control, but sometimes we're not...a lot of the time it's not up to us what methods we use to control our diabetes. Insulin pumps are an example of that! I have an insulin pump, but someone else can't have one because of the NHS or whether or not their hospital covers pumps or whether or not their consultant will let them.

When I asked for an insulin pump over 4 years ago I was sick and tired of injecting over five times a day. I was running out of places to inject, I was tired of my thighs stinging from levemir and I was getting lumps under my skin. On the day I was diagnosed I was told- "Don't inject in the same place just because it hurts less...the insulin will collect under your skin and it won't absorb"- However I started to do just that- injecting into the fatty deposits was far more favourable than scouring all over my injection sites to find somewhere that hadn't been punctured a million times before, hitting a nerve was almost always what happened too. To sum it up being on injections can become a painful and tiring way to control your diabetes, and I wasn't prepared to spend a minute longer stabbing myself multiple times a day. I was done. So I was put on the list, and I got my insulin pump.

I had an appointment at adult clinic earlier this month, and one of the questions as part of what seemed more of an interrogation than an appointment was "Why did you get an insulin pump?" and I looked up and said "Because I was tired of injecting over five times a day" and the consultant looked so baffled, as if I had just said the wrong thing, I didn't realise there was a correct answer to that question. He then informed me that people often only get pumps if they have a high HbA1c or if they really "need" one. And I laughed, and I didn't really have an answer even though looking back I wish I had said more than "oh". Because what is the definition of  "needing" an insulin pump? Was the definition of needing an insulin pump not a 14-year-old me, almost in tears at every meal time at the thought of having to do yet another insulin injection? Was it not 14-year-old me often not wanting to eat just to avoid an injection? Apparently not.

I know people who have had their insulin pumps taken away from them due to "non-compliance" one of my closest diabetes friends being a prime example of this. Except, she was "non-compliant" a few years ago, she got her pump taken away from her and these days, she does everything she can to keep her blood sugars under control but still, she hasn't got her insulin pump back. I strongly disagree in taking an insulin pump away because of a high HbA1c...(that also leads to the question, why do people only get pumps if they "need" them for a high HbA1c, if equally they get taken away for a high HbA1c and only given back on a good A1c? Hmm...) It's negative reinforcement. And from what I've heard from everyone's experiences it doesn't work. It has the opposite effect. What's the point in throwing the toys out of the pram and saying "Right, I'm going to take your pump away from you because you can't control your diabetes" What is the point? To punish them? To punish someone for not achieving the national targets of a disease that is at times such a mental battle as much as a physical one? Why not figure out why they're not using their insulin pump in the way it should be and go from there.

I have struggled immensely with my diabetes...I have had pump downloads where there have been no boluses going on and hardly any testing. Not once has it been said to me by my team "We're going to take your insulin pump away from you." All that has happened has been efforts to figure out why my diabetes isn't under control, and for that I am very grateful. In fact, I have been the one in charge of whether or not I stay on my insulin pump over the years. I know when I am beginning to slack with my diabetes control, and I know when I am not utilising my pump in the best way possible. So on more than once occasion I have said to my consultant that I'm going to come off of my insulin pump and go back onto insulin injections. I took my pump off, transferred everything over to insulin injections again and got my diabetes back into control. How it worked for me was that I knew with injections I couldn't skip an injection...I skipped boluses at times because I had the safety blanket of my background insulin to keep me from going into DKA. So, going back onto injections kept me giving insulin and eventually I got back into that routine that I started slipping out of with my insulin pump...I then put my pump back on, feeling refreshed and ready to conquer my blood sugars again. I did that on my own terms- forcing me to give my insulin pump up wouldn't have had that effect on me.

The question of to give people an insulin pump is always going to be debatable. My take on it is if you want an insulin pump, you're eventually going to need one. The mental side of it alone warrants that. If someone is having a rubbish time on injections, and is starting to slack then they're eventually going to need an insulin pump to curb the inevitable rise in HbA1c...why wait for a HbA1c in double figures to then turn around and say actually yes, you need an insulin pump. And I know probably some of the things I've said in this blog might be debatable but as a person who has had experience on both a pump and injections and having struggled with diabetes control, that is my take on it.

I could go on for a long time ranting about this, but that's what I have to say so far. Why are insulin pumps such a debatable thing? Why is something that could improve people's lives with type 1 diabetes immensely so questionable? I know they're expensive but they're often necessary and so helpful, and it's a shame that some people don't even get a look in.

-Ellie

More than diabetes

I started this blog in 2013. I was 15 years old and I had so much to write about, I would write the most pointless things at 1am, and talk about every single little detail that entailed my life with Type 1 Diabetes, as the years have gone on I've stopped blogging so much, and I have ended up being a sporadic blogger! I had determination to get my blog into something big and something that has recognition in the world of diabetes, and I'm proud of it because it has helped me raise awareness and it has gained recognition and that was good enough for me...and I feel like I got my blog to a point where I am comfortable to leave it weeks without blogging because there is always people there to receive my first posts after abandoning my blog for a while. That is because of the motivation I had in the beginning...I built it up to what it is now, and I'm happy with it. So, I won't keep apologising for being an occasional blogger, it's the place I come to at 1am when I have lots of thoughts whirring around my head, or when I have something to rant about, but I also have other thoughts that aren't related to diabetes. I have a life that is not consumed by diabetes and I am more than a person with Type 1 Diabetes and I think my blog really represents that fact!

I am 18 years old, I have finished school and I am, at times, a very indecisive person but there are moments when I will make a decision and stick to it, and there are times when I know what I want and I'll be stubborn about it. The decision not to go to University was one of those times. I had a moment and I knew I had my mind made up, I didn't want to go...and I was always in two minds about it from the moment I had filled out my UCAS application. I'm quite a confident person I would say, but it's taken me a long time to get to a point where I'm like that...when I was younger I would never ever speak my mind or say something that I thought had to be said, I hated confrontation! and I still do. However my stance on it now is that if I feel like I should say something I will, I do my best not to allow myself to let people walk all over me. Although, working in a supermarket means that side of me has to stay put because I can't exactly challenge some of the general public on their inappropriate and rude attitude. I say all this, but there is a side of me that's shy, and I have quite an anxious mind so sometimes, I don't do the things I think I can do or have to do, like talk to someone about something e.g at work, because I get nervous. And that's just what I'm like!

My family are everything. My mum especially is my world and I don't think it's possible to love her any more than I do. I am so grateful to have the parents and the family that I do, we are all very close and I really enjoy spending time with them. All my friends went to University, and like any other child/teenager, I went through many groups of friends and had and fell out with many people...but after school has finished, I only really properly stay in contact with two of my closest friends, and I'm okay with that, plus I've made friends outside of school and getting to know new people at work is cool. I enjoy listening to music, I listen to most things apart from rap, RnB, House, Dubstep etc. I don't like any of that kind of music. I often look on YouTube to see if I can discover any new songs that I might like, but it can't be any old song, I find that I really look at lyrics, I like songs that have meaning.

I am far more creative than I am academic. I would much rather draw a picture than do maths. I used to love it when the teacher in Primary School said we had to colour things in, whereas a lot of my peers would get grumpy about it and protest and state how much they hate colouring in, and this attitude continued into secondary school even though having to colour things in became a very rare occurrence. I have a tattoo on my arm of a Hummingbird, I've always wanted a tattoo and I'm so glad that I actually have one because I love it and I'm even more glad that it has meaning behind it. I find a lot of joy in looking at the sky, I am in awe of it every time there are beautiful colours or wispy clouds and I almost always have to get my phone out and post a picture of it even though a camera can never do it justice. Nature is a wonderful thing, and trees are another thing I like to look at. Ironically though, I am really afraid of wasps and so although summer comes with beautiful weather, the wasps are enough to keep me inside the whole day. No wonder I have low vitamin D levels!

I'm the kind of person that can accidentally come across as a bit rude. I feel like sometimes my personality doesn't know how to handle certain tones of voice from people, or something like that, I can't explain it. But I know this is a bit of self-proclamation but I am actually a nice person! and I'm not saying it in a sarcastic way, and I hope I'm not deluded but I think I'm kind and that's something that I pride myself in. I will only ever purposely be rude/abrupt to someone if I feel like it's necessary but even then I feel guilty, working in a supermarket and going to school has taught me that there are people out there who are rude because they have nothing else better to do and have a bad attitude, or because they think it's "cool". I often kept my distance from the "popular" kids in primary school because they were the kind of people that had "private chats" about things where really it was just an opportunity to be cruel about someone. But I would say that there is such a thing as being too nice, and to be too nice I think is to let people in this world walk all over you. Never let that be a thing.

I went on a bit of a ramble there, but the point of all that is that yes, I live with Type 1 Diabetes and people say to me "Why haven't you blogged in so long?" one of the main reasons is because I run out of things to say...yeah, I run out of things to say about a disease that demands so much attention and co-operation from the person living with it...but it's true- and do you know why that is? because it is not my whole life. My Type 1 Diabetes is a part of me, and yeah I could probably sit and talk about it for a long time but sometimes I don't want to, and I could also sit and talk about myself and who I am for a long time like I have just done. But I've run out of things to say about myself!

So here I am, telling you all about me instead of all about my diabetes, and this isn't aimed at anthing specific but you get to see a bit of my personality, and maybe understanding my personality is a good thing actually because then maybe you can understand my blog, and my sporadic posts!

-Ellie

Thoughts on adult clinic

I turn nineteen years old in July this year. That means that I am coming to the end of my time with my current diabetes team. Although I spent the first year of my diagnosis under the care of my local hospital, my parents and I didn't like it and so they got me referred to a hospital in London. I've seen the same consultant for the past 6 years, I have been under the care of that hospital for as long as he's been working there. 6 years ago I didn't really have an opinion on them, but 6 years later and I'm feeling incredibly disgruntled to be leaving them. As my consultant said yesterday, I've "struggled to have diabetes" which is true, and what an unforgettable struggle I have had, and I consider myself lucky to have had the amazing diabetes team that I have- who absolutely never ever gave up on me. Appointments after a not-so great A1c result almost always ended with "We'll get there", it's been a true team effort all the way, and now it's a team effort to get me settled with a whole new diabetes team, at a whole new hospital.

You're considered to be an adult in the eyes of the NHS at the age of 16. I've been admitted to an adult ward a couple of times, and on one occasion I felt totally unsettled and I cried, I was 16 years old and surrounded by 3 dementia patients which wasn't a nice experience at all. I'm 18 years old now and moving to adult clinic in time for my 19th birthday, and I don't feel ready in the slightest. If I'm totally honest the adult world of diabetes is unnerving, and I feel like I'm going into it too early, I'm still not perfect with controlling my diabetes and I feel like it's going to be hard to transfer all of that over to a new consultant from one who totally understands me and my struggles. I also get the idea that I won't see the same consultant every time, and I'm concerned that I won't receive the same level of support...it seems as though children and young adult clinics have the capacity to support you at a more intense level, where as adult clinic probably doesn't. I don't want to become just a number, I don't want to become just something that can make up targets, but I see it being like that. right now the consultant that I have could tell you my whole story with diabetes, as he did so yesterday at my transition clinic appointment, but I feel as though no one could be like that in the adult world of diabetes. Don't get me wrong, the team that I met yesterday were very nice, I just have a general apprehension about the whole thing.

What also makes me feel odd is that I've seen the same consultant every 3 months or less for 6 years, and when I move to adult clinic that's it. And your consultant knows most of the details about your life and your diabetes and your deepest feelings about things and you spend time building up trust with someone and then you cut off contact because you're no longer under their care and in the moment that you're their patient all of it is so important, it's so important to understand someone that you regularly come into contact with, but when it's time to move on it's all forgotten because you're not theirs to deal with any more. That's strange to me, and it bothers me, and maybe it shouldn't but it sort of does?

I had the support of a psychologist for the past year, and then she left to go on maternity leave, and I cried on my last appointment with her because the idea of not being able to talk to her about my issues any more unsettled me...and it took a long time for me to agree to see a psychologist, so when I found out she was leaving I was disappointed, I truly was. And I thanked her for being such a big help to me and she thanked me instead, for talking to her and I guess from every one she sees she learns and I like to think she learnt from me as I learnt from her.

My new hospital are savage, they do random blood glucose tests at the same time as checking your HbA1c...and they try to take blood from your ear lobe...since when was that even a thing? No body is coming near my ear lobes with a needle and drawing blood from it...that's what my fingers are for. Why would I even agree to having my ear pricked, it hurts enough on my hands!! Haha. I've heard nothing but good things about the hospital I'm about to move to, I'm not complaining, just comparing them to the diabetes team that I've been so fortunate to have for the past 6 years, and I suppose I have an expectation that may or may not be fulfilled by them.

In the past couple of months my insulin requirements have reduced, because I no longer experience the same raging hormones that I did as a "younger teenager", and as I have grown, so has my diabetes. And so this year, in 2016 my diabetes is fleeing the nest like a baby bird, and it's up to me to keep it flying.

-Ellie

A blood test tale

Diabetics inject ourselves because we have to, we tolerate the pain from infusion sites and finger pricks because we have to. We're brave, but only because we have to be. I've always generally been ok with needles thankfully, I'm not actually that bothered by them and I think the fact that I once had 3 ABG tests in one wrist all on the same day with out flinching shows that I can handle a needle or two.

However, that's not to say that I don't get the slightest bit nervous, even inserting an infusion site, something that I have done hundreds of times, can cause my heart to race a bit! It's the thought, it's thinking about it hurting that makes you nervous- I've learnt to jump straight in and just do it without giving it a second thought.

Today I had to have a blood test done, I've had many many blood tests in my life that I can't actually count how many I've had. Yes they're more invasive than the finger prick tests that I do multiple times a day, but I'm ok with those too.

I'm ok with them when the phlebotomist knows what they're doing.

Now, don't get me wrong, everyone has to practice at some point but when the person is literally shaking and loses your vein it's a bit unsettling. I don't think I've ever perspirated quite so much during a blood test. It went a little bit like this:

*Trainee phlebotomist and expert phlebotomist both look at me*
"Do you want numbing cream?"

Me: No, I'm fine.
*Both nervously laugh*

I should have known, I just should have known she was learning! Maybe I should have asked for the numbing cream...! Anyway, it took them both a good 5 minutes to find my veins, there was lots of talk about my veins being "very deep" and "narrow" like, oh good, not even the expert phlebotomist can find my veins how is the trainee going to. So they found a good vein, on my right arm, and he lets her take it away.

To be fair, I did feel sorry for her because she was visibly nervous. But she could have made an effort to look less visibly nervous! She was literally shaking and then she lost the vein and was about to stab me in an area with no visible veins and the other person had to stop her and direct her back to the correct area. At this point I was sweating, quite literally.

Me: "Are you learning?"
Trainee: "Yes, I'm new"

I mean, the signs were all there, she was not going to get any blood out of my arm, even if she tried, which she did. Ouch.

So I braced myself, and she braced herself clearly...and in went the needle. So slow. It was highly uncomfortable and I didn't want to make her feel bad so I just sort of went with it and let her get on with it- she has to learn somehow! But oh my was she slow. She basically pushed the needle in, at a sloth's pace and I could just feel a lot of resistance from my arm and it wasn't cool. The other phlebotomist told her that "should be enough" when the needle had only made it in a quarter of a millimetre. Low and behold, no blood. Zilch.

"Just pull it back slightly" Were the words from her trainer, so she did. She practically pulled the whole thing out of my arm and all I could think was please please don't try and push it back in. So I said it, I just had to say;

"That's hurting me"

I felt bad! I felt bad saying it because I felt sorry for her because she was really trying but my arm just couldn't take the butchering any longer. It even hurt when she pulled it out. All in all it was a bit of a train-wreck, but she tried, and although she failed she'll get blood from someone's arm one day.

All I can say is, I'm glad for her that she got me as her practice patient. She could have got someone like my sister who would probably cry. I'm glad for her that she got me because at least I was nice about it, and I let her have a chance, and to be honest she's lucky that I can handle blood tests in a level-headed manner. Anyway, the trained phlebotomist tried my other arm and luckily got it on the first try. The irony of it is, however, is that the arm that was attempted by the trainee actually hasn't bruised that much, the main predicament on that arm is the mark left from the adhesive...and the arm that bled straight away for the phlebotomist, has a mighty purple bruise on it!

Left arm

Right arm

So I'm not sure what the moral of the story is, I guess just be kind to trainee phlebotomists even if they are slightly butchering your arm, I guess...and diabetics aren't immune to needle fears! I felt fear during a blood test for the first time really, I'm comfortable with needles when I am confident in the person's ability to handle it- I can inject myself because it's under my control, and I can handle a blood test when the person knows what they're doing because that way I know it won't hurt. 

However, the idea that someone who is training is going to be having a go at one of your veins and that it's probably going to hurt, is really quite unnerving and it's hard to be totally brave with needles all the time. 

-Ellie

I have a job

This month I started working in a local supermarket- I'm not going to say which one purely for privacy reasons! My most recent appointment with my consultant, basically went a bit like, him telling me I should probably get a job to get some routine back to my life now that school is finished. Both me and him could see it in my blood sugar that I was getting lazy! However, I was in the process of a job application at that time anyway, because my parents and the rest of my family, and me, have been telling me to get a job- which is fair enough! I needed a job so I went and got one. It's a Christmas temp job with the chance they might extend my contract.

It wasn't handed to me on a plate obviously. I had to fill out an online form, an assessment/quiz and to go for two interviews before I actually got the job. This job application was the first big company that I have applied to and to be honest I didn't even think I would get past the online assessment part of it! So to be called for an interview was surprising, especially since I was actually beginning to forget that I had even applied because it took them over a month to get through all the applications as there were so many.

Of course, diabetes had to be mentioned. I took the opportunity to mention it at the interview stage, I wanted to get it out there and explain it all there and then and give the interviewer the opportunity to ask any questions they might have. In fact, I actually used my Type 1 Diabetes to my advantage...

Interviewer:"Why do you want to work for us?"
Me:"(Spouting random ramblings)...this company has a strong belief in equality in the work place, which is really good for me as I am actually a Type 1 Diabetic"

Nailed it! Got her attention even more, and it actually led to a more casual and open conversation which allowed me to relax slightly! However, I feel like I had to downplay my Type 1 slightly. I didn't want it to seem like I can't do anything. All of the phrases like "It can be physically demanding" "Do you have to eat at certain times?" etc. started flowing and I mostly answered with "No, I'll be fine. As long as I'm looking after it I'll be ok" And we all know diabetes isn't as simple as "looking after it". I did tell them that my blood sugar can go low and I might need to take an extra break if that happens, and that my blood sugar can go high etc. All in all the interviewer understood and made sure that she gave me hours that won't affect my diabetes too much. For example she didn't give me the job role that requires 5am starts because I said that might affect the timings of my insulin rates on my insulin pump.

Overall, I used diabetes to a slight advantage at this job interview, I also used examples from when I went to Parliament with JDRF and Diabetes UK to make me seem more interesting when asked certain questions! Although Type 1 Diabetes can seem like it's something that is hindering, it is also something that you can use to impress people sometimes. My message to the interviewer basically was yes, I have Type 1 Diabetes, is it going to stop me from getting a job? No. Is it going to hold me back in anything that I do? No. Here I am, an 18 year old with a potentially life-threatening disease, but I'm applying for this job and as serious as it is, I'll be alright.

The only issue with me handling a box isn't my diabetes but my lack of upper body strength.

-Ellie

Transitioning

I haven't written a blog post in such a long time, I know these "I haven't written a blog post in such a long time" introductions are starting to become very routine for me! As it's diabetes awareness month in November I figured that I really need to start getting back into the swing of things. I suppose the questions in people's heads at this point may be where I've been...nowhere, actually! I've been being lazy in terms of blogging, and that is naughty of me! But here I am, I'm back and I'm ready to get blogging more routinely. 

I thought I would take this opportunity to have a little bit of a reflection on where I am in terms of my diabetes. My most recent HbA1c was 9.6%...2% up from the clinic appointment before that but it's ok. My consultant and I decided on the fact that I have finished school and don't have that same school routine is perhaps the reason that my control might have slipped a bit, which is a very feasible explanation so I'll go with it. Basal rates were changed and overall it was quite a productive appointment. Ironically, my basal rates were lowered (despite my elevated HbA1c!) but that is because, I am growing up. I am no longer in that stage of adolescence where hormones are raging, things are settling down as I mature into adulthood and so I don't need so much insulin any more. It's bitter-sweet, I'm glad to be having less insulin but also feeling a little bit disgruntled at the fact that I am pretty much an "adult" now and that's scary! 

Also, being an "adult" means moving on in the world of diabetes. 

I'm currently in the stages of "transitioning", this is the process of your current diabetes team handing over your care to the adult diabetes team. I'm moving hospitals next year- my current diabetes team are amazing but unfortunately the brilliance resides only at children and young adults clinic, I haven't heard much good stuff about the adult team at my current hospital so I am moving hospitals where the adult team is known for it's excellence! It's a whole new chapter in my life with diabetes and it's quite daunting...and I find it crazy how fast these past 5 or so years that I've been with my current diabetes team have gone. It's difficult when you build up trust and a relationship with a HCP and then you have to say bye and you no longer have that support from them. I recently said bye to my psychologist, she is going on maternity leave and by the time she goes back to work I will have moved to adult clinic...she has been a huge help and she is a reminder of how unfortunate it is that a lot of people don't get access to psychological services, it has been a great help to me. 

My first appointment at the new hospital is in January and then I go back to see my current diabetes team in March, and then I suppose after that we will be parting ways for good. I'm sad that I have to say goodbye to my current diabetes team and I can only hope that my new team will be brilliant also. 

-Ellie