Bye for now, Insulin Pump

I have made the decision to take off my insulin pump aka Robot Child and go back to injections. This isn't the first time that I have decided to take a break from my pump, or take a "pump holiday". They were short stints of one, two weeks with out it before I gave in and put it back on, I often found and still find that I get very complacent with my insulin pump sometimes, I tend to let the basal do most of the work and in turn I fall out of routine very quickly. I find that I am far more productive on insulin pens, they keep me in routine because I know I have to do the basal injection as a separate thing, I have to make sure I do all the meal time injections properly because I won't have the pump basal as back up, if that makes sense? I get lazy, I find myself just putting the basal up to cover for laziness to keep my blood sugar in range, but I need to do something about it, and that something is coming off of my pump.

Things at adult clinic are a little different, in young people's clinic talk of having your pump taken away from you was almost non-existent, my consultant never uttered those words to me. The clinic I'm at now, do have the rule that, if it's deemed that you're not safe or using your pump properly then it may well be that you lose it. Thankfully, I am not at that point or near it but in order to prevent this, I have taken it upon myself to keep myself on track properly. Involuntarily not having my pump is not something I particularly want, I want to stay in control of this situation and with help from the lovely nurse at clinic I am transitioning back over to MDI.

I know I will have a choice at the end of this MDI stint, however long it may be, the choice will be to go back onto my pump or not to go back on to it.

I have had an insulin pump for almost six years now, it will be six years in June. I was so thankful to get my insulin pump and I got it fast, I didn't have to struggle for it or fight for it- I expressed my opinion, said that I wanted one and my fabulous team at young people's clinic were able to make it happen. I was done with injections, I was on 5+ injections a day, I was tired, I was running out of places to inject insulin and I found myself barely enjoying food because it meant yet another injection. Two weeks of pump training later and I was live on insulin, ready to take on the rest of my life with an incredibly intelligent plastic cigarette-box sized machine delivering tiny, complex doses of insulin into my body to help me get super tight control.

But it is not that simple. Along with the body comes a mind and I had a mind that just didn't want to comply, I had a mind that could only muster tiny spouts of taking advantage of this amazing piece of technology that so many diabetics don't have access to. So over the years I've had a real love hate relationship with it, I appreciate having it some days, then in the same breath it will annoy me to no end.

Upon pondering all of that over the past few weeks, it has made me question if the insulin pump is really, truly right for me. If I am a much better diabetic on insulin pens then why do I not just stick with them? Because in truth, both forms of insulin therapy come with their challenges, laziness on the pump, being slightly overwhelmed on MDI, but in the end I need to choose the one that I will comply with the most, the one that will benefit my health. I see challenges in using my insulin pump but I also see challenges in using insulin pens but you choose your own battles sometimes and for now, I'm ready to take on the challenge of switching back to MDI. I'm feeling optimistic about it, I'm feeling good about my decision to take off the pump.