Saturday, 14 October 2017

Volunteering for Diabetes UK

This year I made the decision to start volunteering for Diabetes UK on their Family and Children's Holidays. These events take place every year and they're run predominantly by volunteers, most of whom have Type One Diabetes or are affected by Type One Diabetes. I was diagnosed with Type One at 11 years old, I was always a home bird so didn't ever have the desire to be away from home let alone go away for a week. By the time I was around 18 and too old to go on a Diabetes UK Holiday I realised that I really regretted not going on one of the holidays as a child and decided that volunteering would be the next best thing and I knew it would be super rewarding. I've always done the "high-profile" things to raise awareness of Type One Diabetes like going to Parliament and attending cool events and writing this blog and although I have loved and love doing it all, I wanted to do something on a personal, smaller scale, something that will have a more direct and positive impact on the lives of those with Type One Diabetes and even their parents.

May 2017 saw me take part in my first event as a volunteer when I went to volunteer on a Family Weekend. On the Family Weekends the children go back to their parents in the evening and our jobs as volunteers are mainly during the day. The Family Weekends are a wonderful and thoroughly enjoyed by both children and their parents. It's a chance for the children to meet other children with Type One Diabetes but it's also a chance for their siblings to meet other siblings of a child with Type 1. Furthermore, it's a chance for the parents to meet other parents and essentially get a little "break" from dealing with Type 1 for a few hours each day over the weekend. This was my first experience of volunteering on an event so of course I was a little bit apprehensive and not sure exactly what to expect, but the other volunteers made me feel so welcome and I couldn't fault them in any way. it was a wonderful first experience and spurred me on to want to do a week-long event.

That brings us to August this year, I volunteered on a week-long Holiday for 8-10 year olds. On the week-long events the children get dropped off by their parents and all spend a week playing games and doing fun activities and getting to know other children with Type One Diabetes, it's also a chance for them to try to be a little bit more independent. The week-long events are definitely more full on than the weekend because our responsibility not only lies during the day but during the night too, it's pretty much guaranteed that you won't be in bed before at least midnight, unless you're on night-check duty then you won't get to sleep until the early hours! It all sounds intense, but when you have an amazing group of volunteers around you it's actually really good fun.

The activities on the week-long event included High Ropes, Canoeing, Abseiling, Campfire, King Swing, and loads more. I only had one reservation before Volunteering on this event, I'm terrified of heights! However, I think this made me want to volunteer on the event more, because I wanted to set myself a personal challenge. Haha! Every single day is filled with fun and adventure, and watching the children take part in the activities was so lovely, to see them forget about having diabetes and just have fun. As volunteers we took part in the activities too (it's definitely not compulsory but it's nice to take part, and you'll find the children really want you to take part too!) and the activities that required me to be any more than a foot off the ground made me quite nervous to say the least, however looking back I am proud of myself because I managed to abseil. I had every expectation of getting to the top of that tower and wanting to go back down...however there were a few things that stopped me coming to this decision:

1. You had to climb ladders to get to the top, and climbing back down all those ladders did not appeal to me.
2. I would have really regretted it if I didn't at least try.
3. One of the little girls in my group exclaimed: "I'll do it after Ellie does it!!"

...Damn. However, I knew as soon as she said it that I had to do it, for her, for me, to get to the bottom! I had a little girl who was just as, if not more scared than I was relying on me, so I sucked it up, felt the fear and did it anyway. I'm so glad I did and straight after me she did it too and I was so proud of her, and me! Another activity I was apprehensive about was Canoeing, but again I put on that life jacket, picked up that ore and got into the canoe. I have never stepped foot in a canoe in my life, let alone be in a canoe with three 8 year old girls and having to teach them how to use their ores! It was an experience to say the least, one of the girls is terrified of spiders so she spent a lot of time trying to move from the spiders that were on the bottom of the canoe and almost capsizing the boat when she slid from side to side! I stepped on a few so she could have a good time and not worry about the spiders and all was calm until "There's a mouse in the boat!!" Oh hell no. I was determined not to get wet so all I was saying was "Please stay sitting!" Anyway turns out it was a Shrew and the girls did amazingly well in ignoring it and it enjoyed it's journey with us around the lake. We also had a competition to see who could turn their canoe 360 degrees the quickest and we beat the boys! It was little moments like during abseiling and canoeing that I sit back and dwell on now and think, I totally made the right decision volunteering.

Seeing the children get the most out of it and learn how to be a bit more independent with their diabetes and being the ones to help them do that is so rewarding and both the weekends and the week-long events are a truly amazing experience. You do have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders though, because despite it being truly fun, they are children & the children do have Type One Diabetes and as we all know, that requires a lot of attention! Blood sugar checking is in abundance as well as cannula changes and injections and boluses...all of which volunteers help out with and oversee. At meal times everyone carb counts and this is a good chance for the children to learn more about it. There are Health Care Professionals such as nurses and doctors and dietitians who volunteer on the camps too.

Every second volunteering on these Holidays is enjoyable and post-camp blues are truly a real thing. You spend a weekend or a week with all of these wonderful people and children with Type One Diabetes or who have been affected by Type One. Your fellow volunteers are a support network, all looking out for each other and helping one another and you all get to know each other fast. You also realise the resilience of children and although I have Type One myself and was diagnosed as a child too I'm always in awe of children with Type One because they deal with it with such grace and they're there to have fun, and let me tell you, they bounce right back even after a low or a high blood sugar or a stressful cannula change.

It's rewarding and it's character building and I wouldn't change the experiences I've had volunteering for the world. I hope I get accepted on the Holiday's that I apply for next year. If you're thinking about volunteering I really, really recommend it, you won't regret it.

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Mental Health Awareness Day

Today was Mental Health Awareness Day. I feel like mental illness is an incredibly taboo subject, people don't like to talk about it, they don't like to acknowledge it, perhaps because some people don't believe that it's a problem, or they don't understand it, or they're scared to explore it and accept it for what it is, an illness. Our minds can be broken just as an arm can be, only I think the healing process is a lot tougher. I've never had perfect mental health, I get anxious, I've struggled with OCD...and in some of my darkest days I've disliked having OCD more than my Type One Diabetes, more than my physical, potentially life-threatening illness, disease, condition, whatever you want to call it. I won't go into too much detail about it, but I'm of course not ashamed to admit my mental health struggles and admit that they have caused me hardship on a par with my diabetes.

You can't escape your mind, that's the bottom line and I think what makes it so difficult, thoughts and feelings are what determine our day, they're what determine our reaction to things and what make up who we are. Think about it, you have your own voice swimming around your head 24/7 and when that voice is negative, or scary or not what you want to think about, it's distressing and it's unpleasant. My psychologist always said to me that the more you try not to think about something, the more you think about it, and I've never heard anything more true. None of us are perfect and I'm yet to meet someone who hasn't struggled mentally, we of course to an extent are in control of our minds, but when that mind gets sick and doesn't work like you want it to, you in a sense are at a loss.

The mind is so powerful and despite it being mental, it invokes very real, very physical symptoms in people. Being anxious is me having a panic attack on top of the Empire State Building on a visit to New York last year because I'm so afraid of heights and the hustle and bustle of so many people 80 floors up is so overwhelming that my physical state went to pot. It's scary and it's the lack of control over what you're thinking and how you react to that situation, to this day I'll always be annoyed that I couldn't enjoy my time up that building because I was so anxious.

I've spent nights crying because dealing with OCD to me is not just wanting everything to be tidy and colour co-ordinated as people jokingly portray it: it's trying to push out negative thoughts and stop the "routines" that I carry out every day because my mind convinces me that if I don't do it, something terrible will happen. Mental illness is so real and so common and the stigma that people with mental health issues are crazy or that they're doing it for attention or it's "not real" needs to stop. I am incredibly normal! I'm one of many.

Thankfully, I get on ok with it all now, and I'm thankful that it's not worse and that I can function, lots of people with mental health issues aren't that lucky.

Your mind is so complex. Every day, every second your thoughts and your emotions are changing and your mind is trying to make sense of things and it's a busy environment. Honestly, who is normal, who can honestly say they've never felt anxious or affected by their mind and it's state?

It's like with Type One Diabetes, I'm sure none of us can say that we haven't been affected by it mentally. The fear of hypos, the fear of going high, the anxiety surrounding needles, the mental effect that physical exhaustion from dealing with a condition that requires your attention 24/7 has on you can be significant. Diabetes burnout...we all make the decision every single day to check our blood sugar and to take our insulin because we know we have to and if we don't it can have detrimental effects, but when you're going through diabetes burnout that mindset goes out of the window, your mind is tired, you get tired of the tedious everyday grind of living with Type One Diabetes. Thankfully for some these periods come and go, and for others they can get stuck in a rut. One of the many reasons I think psychological support for people with diabetes is so important, it's so psychologically complex, we have a lot on our shoulders, we make important decisions every single day and the toll it can have on your mental health is real.

I suppose what I'm getting at here, is that your mind and it's function and purpose in our lives is significant and when it doesn't work properly, life can't really work properly can it...we make decisions, react to situations, feel emotion...all with our minds...and if that busy environment that is swimming around your head is negative or impacted in some way by mental illness or the mental effects of something like living with Type One, things can get a little bit messy. It's hard to heal a broken mind, it takes a lot of strength and determination, to battle your own thoughts and be mindful and not let whatever you're going through take over. It can be done though, and of course, there is always hope and you're never alone.

Anyway, there are my rambles for today, my thoughts...


Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Disability

I have been reflecting on last week's GBDOC tweet chat that was titled 'Diabetes and Disability'. This is always a really interesting subject because people have so many different opinions and ways in which they see themselves.

The Equality Act of 2010 protects people with Type 1 Diabetes in that it requires an employer to make reasonable adjustments for disabled employees or job applicants in the workplace. The purpose of Type 1 Diabetes being considered under the Equality Act is because it can and does affect us in some capacity at work, it has an impact on us 24/7. You could say that in some sense, we are "disadvantaged" in that we may need to take short breaks to treat a low blood sugar or take time off for hospital appointments, this can lead to discrimination because your employer may be more concerned about losing money with you having time off rather than your ability to actually do the job. However, there are still jobs that people with Type 1 Diabetes are not allowed to do, such as joining the Armed Forces or flying a commerical plane, this is because in any of these environments something like a low blood sugar can put people at risk or make you a liability, plus airline pilots need 20/20 vision and complications like Retinopathy jeapordise this.

The complications and symptoms that come with Type 1 Diabetes can be "disabling" in that they can have a significant impact on your day to day life. For example, the symptoms of high blood sugar can have an affect in that it they can make you feel too unwell to do things, likewise with low blood sugar. More severe physical impacts for both include DKA, passing out, seizures...all of which can leave you "less able" than a healthy person, although temporary, they're still impacting your ability. The more permanent affects of Type 1 Diabetes like kidney disease, blindness, and limb amputation are a bit of a different ball game, because then it's not just Type 1 Diabetes you've got, it's other health issues that are in and of themselves, disabling. 

Despite it being challenging, the GBDOC tweet chat confirmed that many people with Type 1 Diabetes, including me, do not consider themselves disabled. The Equality Act and due to the restrictions of some jobs, it can appear that this is the case, however, any 'limitations' we might encounter, only spur us on to prove people wrong and prove that our challenges can be overcome. Generally speaking, I am physically able and do not consider myself to be disabled in any capacity. I just think it's interesting to explore in what sense we are considered to be 'disabled'....

We have the capacity to do anything, except be a commercial airline pilot and join the army! Which is fine for me because I don't like flying and have no desire to join the army!

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

8 years

Dear past Ellie, Ellie from June 20th 2009 to be precise, it's future Ellie here, talking to you 8 years later. Tomorrow will be June 21st 2009, you're going to be doing the Race For Life for the first time, you're not feeling 100% but you know you'll give it your all. You'll finish the race and eat a cereal bar and you'll go home. You won't be thinking about the fact that just days earlier you had a blood test that showed your fasting blood glucose was 16mmol...because the GP told you he wanted to double-check...so it was fine, right? But you'll still go home to the blood sugar meter mum bought for you to keep an eye on things because thankfully she knew the symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes, and deep down you'll both know that the fasting blood test wasn't wrong. That blood sugar meter will show a blood sugar reading that was off the scale at "HI" and you'll be diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in A&E that same day. You're eleven years old.

Months of symptoms means your diagnosis will be a relief in some sense, at eleven years old you're old enough to understand what's happening and just a few days before told yourself that you just needed insulin and you will be fine. You stopped growing, you lost weight and at your height you shouldn't weigh 6 and a half stone. Before being diagnosed all you did was sleep, and wonder why you felt the way you did. You'll leave hospital three days after being diagnosed, equipped with everything you'll need to now stay alive, you'll take it in your stride and you'll go back to school and settle into life with Type 1 Diabetes. For the first few weeks you'll find yourself very aware of your own mortality, and you'll realise you're not invincible, but you'll be grateful that you can live a relatively normal life despite the diagnosis.

Most of the time it will be fine, you'll feel in control and you'll feel okay. But you won't know that the first few years will be an especially hard feat, your HbA1c will stay in the teens and you will prefer to ignore your diabetes rather than deal with it. You'll know you're not in denial, but you'll know you'd prefer not to have Type 1, you will remember the days without it. The hard times will show you how lucky you are to have the support that you have from your friends and family, and your diabetes team, you'll find your feet eventually, but not before becoming very familiar with the phrase "diabetes burnout" and realising you're well and truly stuck there.

In August 2012 you'll make a Twitter profile, and you'll encounter lots of other people living with Type 1 Diabetes but you won't properly engage with them until March 2013, when you start your blog. You started it to rant and vent your feelings about living with Type 1 Diabetes, but people will start to read it and it will be the spur you need to find motivation and start living properly again. Eventually you'll see a HbA1c back in single figures and your consultant will high five you, aware of what it's taken you to get there. It won't always be easy and diabetes burnout will still linger, making sporadic appearances, but it will be pushed to the back of your mind through all the amazing experiences you'll have due to being an ambassador for Type 1 and "embracing" your diagnosis.

In 2013 you'll speak in Parliament for the first time, on behalf of Diabetes UK and in 2014 you'll speak in Parliament for the second time, on behalf of JDRF. You'll realise that you're one of the very few people who don't mind speaking in public and later in 2014 you'll make use of that blessing again and speak for JDRF again at one of their charity galas. You'll learn that you have the ability to do something about being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, you'll be determined and you'll be a voice for other young people and people with Type 1. March 2016 will see you fly to Glasgow to be a professional blogger for Diabetes UK and in October 2016 you'll be invited to celebrate 30 years of progress with JDRF and you'll present flowers to HRH the Duchess of Cornwall.

Type 1 Diabetes will bring you frustration and tears and lots of moments where you'll wonder why you were dealt the cards that you were, these times will be especially prominent when you have to go to A&E because of Diabetic ketoacidosis or when you're awake in the middle of the night treating a low blood sugar or feeling that ache in your muscles you'll get when your blood sugar is high. What you won't know when you're diagnosed tomorrow on June 21st 2009 though is that you'll do amazing things and you'll be proud of what you've achieved and understand that you were diagnosed for a reason, and deciding to create your blog and deciding to raise awareness and be an ambassador will be one of the best decisions you'll make.

In fact, in eight years you'll be standing next to a canal in Amsterdam with other diabetic people taking photos and pondering how you got there and realising how crazy it is that Type 1 Diabetes brought you all together. You'll make new friends, new connections and you'll have a sense of fulfillment and you'll live your life with Type 1 alongside you and it will become your routine, like brushing your teeth...like breathing.

Tomorrow will be June 21st 2017, and you've lived with Type 1 Diabetes for eight years.


Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Talking About Diabetes 2017

Saturday 22nd April brought over 150 people together at Birkbeck University in London. Thanks to Partha Kar, Catherine Peters and Professor Peter Hindmarsh and an idea that was hatched in the back of a taxi, 'TAD talks' was born. TAD, stands for Talking About Diabetes, and the days are literally a day for talking about diabetes. Last year saw various inspirational speakers take the stage and talk about their experiences with diabetes and this year was the same. Six people stood in front of the audience and we had the privilege of hearing all about their lives with diabetes.

The speakers were Jen Grieves, Adrian Long, Roddy Riddle, Gavin Griffiths & Melanie Stephenson. Each and every one of them did a fabulous job and they are all prime examples of living well with diabetes and not letting it hold you back. I'll quote Jen here in saying that "We cannot control the diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes but we can control how we live our lives from that point on" and every speaker has this mentality I'm sure. Everyone's speech was totally individual, they all took a different view point and not only was it inspiring, but we were learning from these incredible people, be it how to handle sport with Type 1 or how to deal with Type 1 emotionally. Adrian spoke about being diagnosed with Type 1 at the age of 40 and the power of friendship in the Online Diabetes Community, Melanie spoke about being an athlete with T1, Jen spoke about learning to love yourself, Gavin spoke about running with Type 1 and Roddy spoke about running the 6633 Arctic Ultra and the challenges he endured.

All of them are the epitome of determination and courage and living a good life despite diabetes and I'll quote Melanie this time, "I wouldn't have found my strength without my diabetes" and this sits well with me, I resonate with this, as unfortunate as living with Type 1 Diabetes is it has made me a better person and I truly believe this. Of course we can't downplay diabetes and turn it into a big ball of positivity and light because we all know too well that this isn't the way it is, but there is absolutely nothing with trying to find positives amongst the negativity and this is something that I realised even more when Adrian was presenting his '12 good things about diabetes' slide.

We were also joined on the day by Stephen Dixon, a Sky TV Presenter, Sir Bruce Keogh- medical director for NHS England and Professional lead for doctors and Jane Cummings- the Chief Nursing Officer for NHS England. Jane actually has Type 1 Diabetes herself and this is something that came as a surprise to all of us as I don't think many of us knew this! Sir Bruce Keogh reassured us in "Don't think for one moment that we don't understand Type One Diabetes", it feels good to know that we have support from people at the very top of the NHS, we have Jane herself who is a Type 1 Diabetic and Sir Bruce Keogh who demonstrated a wonderful understanding of Type 1 and was so willing to listen to us and understand.

I think it's so important to talk, as humans we are communicators and humans need contact with others to survive, it's just how it is, and while there are many people who don't like to talk, I think it's good to talk, it is so good to be able to tell people how you're feeling and what you're thinking. Keeping things in has never been good for anyone! That's why the Online Diabetes Community is such an important part of my life with Type 1 and it seems to be an important life for a lot of other people with diabetes that I know, there is always someone to talk to, pretty much 24/7, if no one in the UK is awake when you're dealing with a low blood sugar at 3am, then someone in America will be.

I also believe that is what makes these TAD events even more powerful, because it is the chance for so many people who spend many days and nights talking on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram to talk face to face, and to be inspired and learn from one another. As Gavin said, "with the responsibility of looking after your Type 1 comes great power", yes having diabetes isn't ideal, but it is true that we do have power in it, we have the chance to choose how we deal with this and how we live our lives, you can be against your diabetes or you can embrace it and for the athletes in the room like Roddy, Gavin and Mel, diabetes is a power in a literal sense too, in that I'm sure knowing what their blood sugar is doing greatly helps them in sports.

It was a great pleasure attending the TAD talks, to be inspired, to see people that I talk to so often on Social Media and to be reminded to as Jane Cummings said, "not let Type 1 define you". All in all it was a great day as always, and again a big thank you to the organisers for giving us all this platform to express ourselves and come together as a big community all in one room!

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Diabetic Retinopathy Screening: What To Expect

Diabetic Retinopathy is a complication that can develop due to having diabetes, the retina is a light-sensitive layer of cells at the back of the eye that sends signals to your brain, your brain then turns these signals into images and this is how you see! The Retina is supplied blood via tiny blood vessels, Diabetic Retinopathy is damage to these blood vessels and if left undetected and untreated it can cause permanent blindness. Retinopathy Screening is something that is offered to everyone with diabetes over the age of 12. In it's early stages Diabetic Retinopathy has no symptoms so it's strongly recommended that you attend your annual eye screening appointments.

I had my annual appointment yesterday. It's a really straight forward, non-invasive test, I'm going to tell you what happens at my appointments so if you haven't had a screening before or you're about to go for your first screening then you will know a little bit about what to expect. When I go in to the Diabetes Center I put my appointment letter in a box and wait to be called in, I'm usually not waiting for very long because the appointments are quite fast. When I get called in, I take a seat and the healthcare professional who is doing the eye screening asks me to read out the letters from a board, just like at a regular opticians appointment.

The next step is the eye drops. When I was younger I managed to avoid getting the eye drops because my pupils were always dilated enough, apparently young people have naturally dilated pupils. Don't quote me on that though! Ha! The past couple of years however, I have had to get the eye drops. I'm not going to lie, they are not a pleasant experience. It's one drop in each eye, you will most likely get given a tissue to wipe your eyes afterwards, I always get given tissues! The drops sting your eyes, they don't sting for very long though, maybe about 30 seconds, no longer than a minute. Once the drops have been applied, I go and sit out in the waiting room for 15 minutes while the drops do their thing and dilate my pupils. It makes your eyes go blurry, you will find things like looking at your phone very difficult because your eyes won't be able to focus, the drops also make your eyes sensitive to light so it's always a good idea to bring sunglasses along to your appointment. These side effects aren't permanent though, don't fret! They last between two and six hours, then your eyes will be back to normal.

After 15 minutes I get called back in, then the photographs get taken! You have to rest your chin on a little chin rest and look into the lens of a special camera, then you will see a green light and you'll get told to look at the light. There will be two bright flashes in each eye, this is the camera taking photos of the back of your eye, the pupil dilation is so the camera flash can get to the back of your eye to reach the retina, nothing touches your eyes though, you just have to look at a green light.

Sometimes the healthcare professional who took the photos will look at them on the screen briefly before you leave, I always like to have a look at the photos, I'm clearly very fascinated by my retina! The official results come in within six weeks. Then, provided your eyes are all clear, that's it for another year!

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

100,000

I still remember the moment I hit 400 page views. I was so utterly surprised and in shock that I actually took a photo of my laptop screen, certain I probably wouldn't see a much bigger number than that for my little blog. Around 3 months into blogging, I had hit 10,000 page views. I couldn't believe that people were reading my blog, that someone, somewhere was reading what I was writing. So I kept going, I kept writing and now here we are. 100,000 page views later. This blog has spanned over the last 4 years of my life, I've documented my proudest moments with Type 1 and I've documented my lowest moments.

I've written all about achieving a HbA1c of 7.3% for the first time in years and I've written about the time I was admitted to hospital for almost three weeks to get my diabetes back under control. I've documented my eye screenings, my clinic appointments, I've talked about going to Parliament and the time a teacher at school really annoyed me in regards to Type 1. It's like my journal except, everyone else can read it. I like being able to write out my thoughts and to vent all while raising awareness of what it's like to live with Type 1. My 8 year 'diaversary' is coming up in June, so that means half of my life with Type 1 I've blogged.

The last 4 years with Type 1 have been eventful to say the least. I started this blog in Secondary School...when I was 15, it was 2013, I was in young people's clinic, I hadn't even completed my GCSE's yet. 100,000 page views later and I'm 19, about to turn 20, I left school over a year ago, I've been in adult clinic for over a year and my life is different, obviously. I have neglected my blog a little bit over the last couple of years and I find it insane that I don't blog as often as I used to, I blogged so often when I was sitting my GCSE's and now I am looking for a job and don't do that much with my time and I don't blog hardly ever. I guess it's all about the motivation. I am trying hard to get back into it though, I have to!

This blog was inspired by other people with Type 1 on Social Media, I saw so many other people with blogs and I knew I wanted to write one myself. My only purpose for this blog was to raise awareness for Type 1 Diabetes and that was everyone else's, too. I have had so many wonderful opportunities because of this blog, like going to Parliament with JDRF and Diabetes UK and going to the Diabetes Professional Conference as a Blogger and as a person I appreciate that but I've never had a personal agenda with this blog, I'm just happy people read it and I'm happy that I can share my life with Type 1 with so many people, everything else is a bonus and I love it all, I love being an advocate and I love being able to be a bit of a voice for others with Type 1.

This blog helped me get a name for myself as an advocate and ambassador for everyone else living with Type 1. My down moments with Type 1 have left me questioning myself and this blog and I often wondered how I thought I had the right to talk to other people about living with Type 1 when I can just about do it right myself, however it helped me realise that even my struggles with diabetes will help people and I realised that I didn't have to sugar coat everything or downplay it, because this is my blog and my thoughts and everything is relative. Makes the good diabetes days stand out more too. Because as we all know, diabetes is not easy.

Feeling proud that so many people have read my diabetic ramblings.