Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Inconsiderate

This is an angry post because I'm angry.

Literally just now there was an ugly moth in the room which landed on my pillow; so I stood up and said please can someone get rid of it. My blood sugars are low tonight so obviously I had no energy to chase a moth around the room, plus I absolutely hate them so much. I stood in the middle of the room and I was asking nicely "Will someone please get it out?" My cousins are staying over tonight and my sister Lauren is sleeping in her bed with Emily, I'm with Francesca.

Anyway, my sister knows full well how I am around insects and she still sat in her bed and sniggered at me with my cousin and said "I can't be bothered to get it. Emily you get it" I asked Emily "No just leave it" WHY am I going to sleep with a moth on my pillow. Then she told me to shoo it off which undeniably would not have made me feel any better because it's still in the room- the point was that I wanted it out. They all continue to laugh at me while they all lay there like stranded walruses so I went to the toilet to brush my teeth and when I come back- IT'S STILL THERE.

Once again, I beg one of them to just stand up and get it out for me. Then all the "do it yourself" lectures start coming at me from all angles. I told them to be quiet and finally, Francesca stood up to do it for me. She got a cup and trapped it and suddenly, it seemed to have gone unconscious and developed super sticky legs because it would not budge from the cup. When it finally moved, it flew back into the room...oh dear god.

Round two; it flew over to the mirror so we trapped it again and it still did not go out of the window so Francesca says "Ok, we just have to leave it here" sorry what. I am not leaving a moth in my room thankyou very much so I picked up the cup, put a piece of paper over it and put it outside my door- if mr. Moth wants to take up residence in the cup then fine, but it can do so outside on the landing.

Now there is a cup with a moth (that is hopefully still inside, i'm hoping it didn't escape upon transit) sitting outside my bedroom door, actually it's my brother's bedroom door but pish-posh. When I came back in, my sister was still being annoying and rude to me when she knows that I really don't like them and I always get flustered around insects. I asked her why she couldn't have just got it out for me and her answer was "because everyone knows you're being a freak about it" It's so frustrating because she isn't scared of them like I am :C

It's easy for her to call me a freak about it but when you're afraid of something it's pretty irrational. I can't help that I'm scared of them and everyone was just being annoying about it so I turned around and said "I have just been 3.9 and I am really irritable right now so please will you just stop!!" and yet again they all sniggered and laughed at me because they don't actually understand how I feel right now and it's making me feel pretty isolated to be honest.

They can all laugh at me being irritable because i'm low and now they've turned around and fallen asleep- but I can't fall asleep, now I have to stay up for 15 minutes to make sure my blood sugars are back up to a normal range- some people can be pretty inconsiderate. I just wanted them to get a fly out for me, gee. It's not like I was asking them to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

Meow.

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Talking about diabetes

Tonight I joined a Google+ Hangout with Diabetes UK and a few other people from the #DOC.

It was a really interesting experience and it's such a clever idea. Today the topic was 'Do you talk about your diabetes?'

I am willing to talk about my diabetes; if someone asked me what my pump did i'd tell them and then "luckily" for them, I'd give them a nice science lesson on what diabetes is, just to save myself from the questions like "So did you get it from eating too much sugar?" or "You aren't fat though?" I like to talk about it to other people because I like to educate people on it- I wouldn't like to tell someone that I'm diabetic and then have them walk away most probably assuming that I got it from eating too much sugar.

Joe asked me about what my experience with diabetes is like at school and I said that at school like for example, talking to teachers about it. I wasn't all that confident about it. At school I didn't talk about it unless it was necessary, I wouldn't talk to any of the teachers about it unless I was low or high. I'm not too sure why but sometimes I thought that diabetes attracted negative attention which is something that I really don't like and would rather avoid. There were also one or two incidents at school which I felt, knocked what I had left of my confidence slightly, once in P.E I was low and I normally bring my friend with me to get my glucose tablets, on this incident I had left them inside- anyway, I had to go in with someone else from the classs who wouldn't have known what to do if I passed out, because my teacher wouldn't let my friend come in with me. I was fuming- it was irritating how little knowledge she had and being low I wasn't in any position to confront her about it.

Another time during school, my blood sugar went high and my pump wasn't doing the trick so I had to go down to the office and inject, much to my dismay the teachers couldn't exactly locate my insulin pen so it took about five minutes to initially find the actual pen so I could correct my high blood sugar. Once I was done I was told to just leave my things there and the welfare officer would put the pen back where it was- anyway two days later it was still sitting out on the counter and somehow I got in trouble for it by another one of the teachers who told me that if I didn't make sure my "toot" was put away then she was going to throw it in the bin...

My school kind of just let me get on with it really. There was one discussion with the teachers when I was first diagnosed and that was it. My year leader was very supportive though and was always there if I needed any help with my diabetes.

I know I say I wasn't confident at school but then I know I managed to talk at the Parliament event for the Type One essentials campaign which is something I am awfully proud of and I sometimes find myself sitting down and thinking "How on earth did I do that" I wonder how I couldn't be as confident at school with diabetes but I was confident talking in Parliament to people I had never even met before. I think part of it was not wanting to mix diabetes with school so much, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't known as "the diabetic" at school and it stayed that way but I feel that made me hold back slightly I think. I also didn't want to feel like a burden to the staff at school- I know they never made me feel like that when I did need their help but it's just a sense of, I don't like to rely on other people so much.

Plus, I have been talking to all the other diabetics on twitter for a while now and I think that sort of built up my confidence- like, I had a new found confidence to kind of go and there and talk about my diabetes and a lot of that I derived from hearing all the accomplishments that other diabetics on twitter have made and that gave me the drive to say yes to talking in Parliament and to speak out- which I figured after that, is something that I really enjoy doing.

I start sixth form in September so my diabetes will be entirely up to me, I am no longer going to need to leave my insulin with the welfare officer because there is a fridge in the sixth form common room, things like that.

But I really think it's important to be more confident about diabetes, wherever you are. I wish I was more confident during my years of secondary school with diabetes- I wish I had spoken out more about it. But then again I was never the one to stand up in front of 300 odd students and talk, but knowing I spoke in Parliament makes me feel very proud.

Talking about diabetes is important too because everyone has to know that you're diabetic and has to know what to do if you ever get into a bit of a pickle with your blood sugars. I had a set group of people in my class who knew about my diabetes and they would be the ones that I would go to if I ever needed to go down to the office because one of them would come with me. But although I didn't really like having to explain it to people I still did and their understanding "ahh" at the end always made me feel happy.

Just talk about diabetes, spread the word, spread awareness- it's the only way. Don't keep your thoughts bottled up, it's good to share things with other people so they can understand too.

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Evan Searls - Soundcloud

This is just a quick random post but could you guys please go and checkout my cousin's boyfriend's music at: https://soundcloud.com/thedreadfulfebruary/sets/under-the-covers

Please share the link too, he's really trying to get the word out c:

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Friday, 26 July 2013

JDRF video

New video from JDRF. I think it's so lovely c:

This is a new video from JDRF, I think it's very touching and shows that life with diabetes is tough and we need a cure.

Be aware

Diabetes awareness is something that I feel really passionate about, and when I see common misconceptions about diabetes popping up everywhere it really makes my blood boil. For example, I was reading an article in the local newspaper about some sort of report about the NHS spending a lot of money on certain conditions. Among all of the words that I didn't really care about or understand, came a sentence that stood out to me and angered me slightly, it read "It said that many of the conditions for which people require expensive treatment on the NHS are entirely preventable, such as lung cancer caused by smoking, and diabetes or coronary heart disease resulting from an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise" The fact that it said entirely preventable, made it worse to be honest.

I hate it when people do not classify which type of diabetes they are talking about- the media are feeding the misconceptions more than they will ever know and I don't want to live the rest of my life fighting off the preconceived ideas that people have on the disease that I live with. I would rather not be perceived as someone who's illness is their fault. 'Diabetes' no! Write Type two diabetes if you're going to associate the word with "unhealthy diet", but in all fairness- most with Type two diabetes are genetically predisposed to the condition and it can also be caused by old age. I think that the article was written very lazily and was not very well thought through. I know it's just one sentence, but it's a sentence that makes me annoyed.

People need to stop talking about it so generically, there are two types! TWO. Not just one, diabetes is not diabetes as a whole. It's not both types jumbled together, because the types have their differences. I don't know when people are going to learn but things have to change. I am sick and tired of seeing the misconceptions everywhere.

I tweeted my local MP about what the paper said and he said he checked the actual report and it says Type two in the report, fair enough. However, people will see the newspaper first and most people probably won't even read the actual NHS report. I don't understand why no one will report on diabetes awareness but they will write a report that doesn't even have the facts straight? It puzzles me that all the time diabetes is reported as being one of the biggest growing health concerns, yet, no one is being educated on it in the meantime? The public are left to believe that one bag of sweets will cause them to lose their foot- the public are left to believe that those who have diabetes, caused it themselves and completely undermine any efforts made by JDRF or Diabetes UK to raise money to find a cure. It just makes no sense.

 It's not even only that sentence, it's everything. It's all the hashtags on twitter and instagram that say 'diabetes' accompanied with an image of a sugary desert or a bag of sweets. It's the pictures that say "If John has forty chocolate bars and eats two, what does he have left?" and an ignorant answer sits at the bottom reading 'diabetes'. It's frustrating because someone somewhere who really does have diabetes- is sitting at the table ready to eat but they have to feel the pain of the lancet and draw blood from their own fingertips before they can even touch the food, there is a small child with diabetes crying because he doesn't want his parents to inject him for the fifth time that day, or a person in DKA because the flu gave them ketones.

People need to learn that diabetes isn't a joke, type one or type two, neither are caused by eating one sugary desert or a bag of sweets- both are serious and both require the sufferers undivided attention.

I always think, I need to do something big, I need to do something that will make people listen. But then I think, but why would they listen to one sixteen year old? But then on the other hand, I'm going to make noise and I will get people to help me make that noise and one day people will listen and one day people will learn about exactly what I and millions of other people go through every single day.

Rant over.

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Sunday, 21 July 2013

High blood sugar day

Yesterday saw me waking up to what appeared to be a rather normal morning- I woke up with my blood sugars a little bit high at 11mmol- but it should have been pretty manageable. Well that's what I thought. I continued on as usual, I ate my breakfast and corrected my blood sugar, then I had a shower but fell asleep afterwards.

To my dismay and utter disappointment, I woke up with raging thirst- a feeling I am all too familiar with. I tested my blood sugars and an ugly 16 screamed back at me, so I corrected again in the hopes that my blood sugars will return to normal. Turns out they did the complete opposite and about an hour later they had shot up to the 20's and ketones had made an unprecedented visit- fab. The ketones weren't too bad at first, they were only mild. I laid on the sofa waiting till I felt human again, but to no avail.

About two hours later I was still laying on the sofa, feeling about one million times worse than before and I was extremely uncomfortable by this point. Lunch time came around and eating was the last thing I felt like doing, my brother and his girlfriend went out and bought sandwiches and I didn't eat mine- I physically felt like if I stood up or even sat up for that matter, that I would literally throw up. My blood sugars and ketones were being extremely stubborn and I had no idea why- I had a slight suspicion that (womanly issues) had something to do with it. The time of the month always sends my blood sugars way out of whack, I tried everything to get my blood sugars down yesterday- two set changes, corrections with the pump, corrections with the injection pen, lots of water, but nothing was budging them- I think frustrated was an understatement.

Then my auntie called and asked if I wanted to be picked up to go and join my cousins and sister in Town but I had to refuse. I had zero energy and I could just about talk coherently on the phone- I was sad because I missed all the fun with my cousins, I also missed my little cousin Ruby get a haircut which was annoying because I've never seen her get a haircut. Plus, my poor mum had to stay indoors with me all day because she couldn't leave me being so unwell. Another hour passed and I drank some more water- this time my body didn't want to accept it so I threw the water right back up.

A visit to the hospital was on the cards if these ketones didn't budge- thankfully the sickness passed and I corrected for the three billionth time and drank more water and finally began to feel better and my blood sugars dropped to 14.4 mmol- VICTORY. I was actually able to sit up after seven straight hours of laying on the sofa literally unable to do anything. I narrowly avoided a trip to the hospital thank goodness and I managed to eat my sandwich.

My sister and my cousins came back to my house afterwards and what got to me slightly was the fact that they said to me "You're so moody" My reply? "You have absolutely NO idea what sort of a day I've had and I hope you never do"

So yesterday was one of those days where diabetes really does suck. I know that most days you have to take everything in your stride and know that everything will be okay. But yesterday, I probably cried for most of the day- not in a "why me" sort of way, because I know life could be worse, but I cried because I just felt so terrible. Everyone was carrying on with their lives around me, the sun was shining and my cousins and sister were out having fun without me whilst I was cooped up on the sofa feeling like I had just been hit by a truck.

I am thankful that days like that are not all too frequent, but it just proves how unpredictable diabetes is and when it goes out of control, it goes way out of control. At sixteen, I shouldn't be worrying and trying to avoid the days like that but I do and that's just the way things are unfortunately. But I'm better today and I overcame yesterdays struggle and I was lucky enough to wake up to a new day and start afresh.

This morning I woke up at 4.5 mmol and my diabetes was back to "normal" well, normal as it can be.

Before I forget, thank you very much to everyone on Twitter who helped me yesterday and to Diabetes UK for being so attentive and making sure I was okay too! The #DOC are amazing.

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Friday, 19 July 2013

Birthday

My birthday was on July 18th, so yesterday. Yes, mine and my sister's birthday is on the same day as Nelson Mandela's!

For our birthday we took off on a three hour drive with our mum, two auntie's and our cousins. It was an amazing day! We went to Bournemouth beach which is absolutely beautiful- it didn't even feel like we were in England. The sea was pretty cold at first but it got better, and warmer and me and my younger cousin Francesca pretty much spent most of the time in the sea. The time not spent in the sea was spent looking at all the rather good looking boys that were in Bournemouth.

We took a walk along the pier too; and my cousin decided to go on the Helter Skelter two times while the rest of us took pretty pictures of the sea which was pretty mesmerizing. Then to finish the day off perfectly my sister and our cousin Emily who is a year older than us, spotted some very good looking boys playing guitar on the beach- we pretty much stood and watched them play for a little while and took some sneaky pictures. They both spotted us and gestured us to go down to them- but we had to go so we faffed around for a little bit deciding what to do...anyway we decided to go down to them and got talking to them about where we were from and things. Then my cousin called them lovely and they called us lovely too, it was so fabulous. They were strumming their guitars and being really beautiful to be honest.

The three hour drive home turned into a four and a half hour drive home after we got stuck on the M25 on the way back into London due to a coach fire and the coach actually exploding. Then my little cousin Ruby had to go to the toilet so we pulled over on the hard shoulder for her to go on the side of the road but she got very upset about it so we had to stop at a service station. We all got sandwiches and a doughnut at the service station and we were home about an hour later.

I had a shower once we got home and it felt so nice to finally be able to wash off the sand and sea water. My blood sugars were okay throughout the day except I took my pump off so that I could go in the ocean but took longer than expected in the water so once I finally emerged from the sea my blood sugars had risen to 16mmol- but we managed to get them down afterwards.

I officially turned sixteen at 7:26pm on July 18th 2013. When 7:21 came we were all still in the cars and my sister was in the car in front with two of my cousins and my auntie, whist I was in the car behind her with my mum, cousin Francesca and my other auntie- so I rolled down the window and shouted out to my sister "You were born right now 16 years ago!"

All in all I had a really great birthday thanks to my family- and got loads of wonderful birthday messages from people. I'm finally 16, woo!

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]

Thursday, 18 July 2013

It's my birthday

I was born five minutes after my twin sister at 7:26 pm perfectly healthy on a sunny evening on July 18th 1997. 
Today, on July 18th 2013- I arrive now, on my 16th birthday with an extra load- type one diabetes.

"When we found out we were having two girls we were absolutely over the moon"
That's what my mum told my sister and I earlier. I asked her yesterday "Mum, who's birthday is it tomorrow!?" and she said "My babies'!" I know my parents realise how fast my sister and I are growing up, my mum said it feels like yesterday that my sister and I were born- time goes by so fast and no one even notices until you look back and think "wow" In a way, I sort of don't actually want to grow up- I want everything to stay the way it is, I don't want to grow up because then everything changes around me and it's a frightening prospect. 

My parents had absolutely no idea that 11 years later I would be diagnosed with Type one diabetes, but then again my parents probably never imagined that four years after that their daughter would be speaking to a room full of people in the house of commons for Diabetes UK. I have struggled, I have endured a life with diabetes and will continue to do so, but I will continue to overcome the challenges and try to make positives out of the negatives. 

16 is the first "big" birthday of my life, I have 18 to come, 21 and all the rest after that and every single one of them I will cherish. Who doesn't cherish another year of life, though? But it's just, for me...looking back on the last four years of my life having had to adjust to a life with Type one diabetes, I feel quite proud of myself for reaching 16 virtually unscathed and living my life to the full. I endured two bouts of DKA in the past two years that threatened to stop me in my tracks. The nights spent crying in the bathroom because the ketones made me so uncomfortable, the time spent hooked up to a drip in a smelly hospital emergency room, the moments of low blood sugar that threaten to take my consciousness and more- I think about times like that and I am proud of what I have overcome, I am proud to have finally arrived at my 16th birthday still the same person that I was before diagnosis. 

I remember the days before diabetes, pictures remind me of the "normal" child I once was- I see myself in old pictures and I am not wearing a pump, my fingers are not pricked, my stomach and legs aren't bruised from insulin injections. I am just a entirely normal little girl in every one of those photos. Then looking at a photo 12 or so years later, it is a different story- but not in an entirely bad way. 

Going through old photos I see myself budding into a young lady, I see myself grow, in photos I still continue to flourish through the days after diagnosis and I am smiling all the way. I am still smiling, and you don't realise how strong you were until you look back and think...I was diagnosed with an incurable disease and I didn't even show it- I carried on with my life as best as I could. 

16 years later I will happily pose next to my insulin pump for a photo, or show off my Diabetes UK shirt because I am proud. Yes, diabetes is an absolutely irritating thing to live with and it brings me struggles and challenges that none of my family or friends will hopefully ever have to endure- but if anyone had to live a life with type one diabetes; I would rather it be me than anyone else. 

I am sixteen years old, I have type one diabetes. I'll deal with it. It's my life. It's unfair, sure I wish it would go away but I am fully aware of the fact that diabetes is with me for now and I can't change that, I can't change my reality- diabetes is my reality.

I know I've come far and I will go even further and one day, I will be an old lady and I know I will say "I'm 80, and I no longer have Type one diabetes" 

Today on July 18th 2013, I am turning sixteen with Type one diabetes in tow but I'll be okay. It's okay. I can only keep my head held high and embrace all the support from my family and friends. For the years to come I will still be diabetic, but I will celebrate birthdays without type one diabetes, I'm sure of it.

Keep the faith. 

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin] 



Monday, 8 July 2013

Diabetes doesn't like craneflies

Last night I came back into mine and my sister's room to find her standing on top of the bed flailing her arms around. Obviously perturbed by the sight I asked her what on earth she was doing and she swiftly replied "There is a giant mosquito in here and it bit me!" So now I'm thinking, oh Lord there is a flesh eating mosquito in the room. Anyway, I thought about it and realised that it was one of those devil creatures that go by the name of a cranefly. I have nothing but bad thoughts about those things.

Last summer a really huge one flew into my mum's hair and it was so horrifying- it was absolutely gigantic. Anyway, I hadn't seen the cranefly yet so I took cover under my blanket and thought I'd cry to everyone on Twitter- then they thought they'd make me feel better by telling me I should sleep with my mouth shut and that I should "watch out for those ones, all ghostly" It's okay guys, you never fail to make me laugh, Scott and GG to name a few.

My sister and I turned off all the lights in the hope that it would settle down; turns out, it was attracted by the lights coming from our phones. I was sitting peacefully listening to my music when my sister slams her laptop screen shut and jumps on my bed...I was like "What?!" and she screeched "It flew in front of my computer screen!!" We got up and turned the light back on to try and find it, as soon as we turned the light on the beast began flying towards our faces so we both screamed and huddled into the corner of the room before making a break for it out into the hallway.

We stood outside for about three minutes deciding what to do and wondering where the monster had flown off to- so we looked around the room- nowhere. My heart was pounding, I am absolutely terrified of anything that flies. Then it was just my luck because I went back into the room and moved my blanket and there it was! Residing on my bed. I nearly passed out. I ran back outside and it jumped onto the floor of our bedroom. I screamed "Kill it!! Quick!!" my sister wouldn't do it so I grabbed the makeup bag and frantically threw it on the floor in an attempt to squash it. My sister said "I do not kill. I release" Yeah...right.

"You got it!" My sister was convinced that it had been squashed. Because we had made so much noise running around squealing my mum got out of bed and got angry because we had woken her up- whoops! She came into our room and said "What are you doing?!" and we replied "there is a cranefly in the room but we got it!" At least that's what we thought. My mum started going on a rave about how we had woken her up and she wants to sleep but we're making too much noise and that we should be asleep- Sorry Mum! Anyway, my sister said that we would scoop the cranefly corpse up in a tissue and throw it in the bin, she trailed back into the room and cautiously lifted up the makeup bag- there was no cranefly remains. Crap. It's gone again.

When I walked back into the room I stepped on a grape stalk from some grapes I had eaten when I was low the night before and my sister said "You stepped on it!" Now that freaked me out because I didn't have any socks or slippers on and if I had stepped on it, I felt it and I was ready to collapse from the sheer horror. So I started to wipe my feet on my sister's leg but she started shouting at me and said "Don't wipe your feet on me!! It's a grape stalk!!" Oh...I was still freaked out so I rubbed my feet on her bed instead.

My mum went back to bed and my sister and I hesitantly went back into the room- my sister was saying to me "Get out of the doorway so I can shut the door and turn on the light again!" No. I was not going to face that devil creature again, so I ran into the bathroom hoping my sister would take care of it herself. Obviously not. I got back to find her laying in bed in the dark "It will settle down with the lights off, hopefully it will be attracted to the light downstairs if we leave the door open" Okay...so I lay in bed- but it made me feel all tingly so I kept brushing my legs and my arms off and flapping my blanket around to make sure it hadn't found a home in my bed covers.

About five minutes later my sister was half-asleep (I don't know how she falls asleep so quickly) Then I started to feel low but I was too afraid to turn on my meter and possibly attract the devil itself so I just ate a glucose tablet in the hope that I wouldn't die in the middle of the night. Actually, it was already about 2 am by this point so I thought I'd be okay, besides I wasn't expecting myself to get any sleep last night. So, I was left laying awake, freaked out by the cranefly and experiencing a possible low blood sugar.

Turns out I managed to fall asleep but I woke up at 5:30 am because number one, it was really hot and number two, I was really thirsty so I tested and my blood sugar was high. Clearly I mistook my fear over the cranefly for a low blood sugar. Whoopsies! Obviously the first thought that popped into my head was "Where is the fly?" but then I got distracted by the pretty sunrise and went to open the window and there it was! It was sitting on the window in all it's ugliness.

I took a picture of it, tweeted about it and then pushed the window wide open in the hope that it would fly off. I pulled the blinds right down and I even put my flip-flops either side of the blinds to stop the wind blowing them around and giving the cranefly an opportunity to fly back into the room. I fell asleep again and ended up waking up at about 11 am, with a blood sugar of 2.8 mmol. I am exhausted.

So ladies and gentleman, the moral of the story is, don't get freaked out over a cranefly- because diabetes clearly doesn't like it. And as you all may have guessed, it didn't eat me in the middle of the night- just nearly killed me :-) happy days!

I'm kidding, I'm so afraid of anything that flies. Especially wasps and bees. Put me in a plane with a wasp and a parachute- I would jump out of the plane.

-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]



Sunday, 7 July 2013

Moments

The weather is starting to pick itself up and is finding itself worthy of being called 'Summer' hopefully the hideous 'English Summer' has packed up it's bags for now and left us with something more appropriate.

I was laying in the garden today, soaking up the sun- but not for long because after a while it begins to get unbearably hot and I just can't tolerate the heat well. In the evening my sister and I went over to my auntie's house and we had burgers on the BBQ which were fabulous, then I had to sit near a wasp and I was on edge- I couldn't get up and run for the hills like I normally do because my little cousin was on my lap and I didn't want to disturb her eating...my heart was pounding. My sister said to me "Ellie, sit still" No sorry I was ready to pass out!

Anyway, I haven't blogged for a while, I haven't really found much inspiration lately. But today whilst I was laying in the garden tanning myself in an attempt to eliminate the banshee chic that I've had lately...I had my headphones in and I was listening to music- jumping around when bees came and buzzed in my ear- smelling the amazing food that my mum was cooking and, in that time diabetes didn't pop into my head once.

But in those moments, I was at ease and thoughts of my blood sugars slipped from my mind and it was amazing.

 Then another thought popped into my head "I am in control" Over the past few weeks I have managed to get fantastic control over my blood sugars, I lost it for a while and I was getting down about it and then my Hba1c came back at 11.3% but the fact that my consultant congratulated me on getting it down just gave me that extra push to do better this time. I can't, I just CAN'T lose control over it this time. I won't.

For a very long time I got used to feeling thirsty all the time, I almost got used to it and just got over it. In hindsight, I wasn't the way I am now that I have good blood sugars everyday. I have lots more energy and I feel sorry for my family because I probably drive them up the wall because most days I expel it by probably being quite annoying- but I don't care because they love me all the same!

I embrace the good days, I love the days that I don't have to drag myself out of bed because I'm low, I love the days that I can mess around and do things with my family- they make me forget about the bad days, the days where my blood sugar is high and I have no energy, or the days where my infusion sites hurt me, or I have ketones or I'm low all day. So, I smile!

I get up in the morning and smile (well I try) through all the lows, the highs, the infusion site changes, the finger pricks- what is the point of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? I like to be positive. Sure diabetes is an absolute pain and I will have days where I will want it to go away and I still can't wait for the cure but for now, it will be OK. When I tell people I'm diabetic they say to me "I'm sorry" and I reply, "It's okay, honestly! It's hard and it's frustrating but my life could be so much worse- I have diabetes, but I can do all that you can do. Don't feel sorry for me"

My life with diabetes is what it is, and I accept it. Of course I will struggle tomorrow and the days after that but, if I have a blood sugar mishap I will go into the garden and do just what I did today- forget the struggles, forget the pain, forget I'm wearing an insulin pump- listen to my music and close my eyes and embrace my life and see the beauty in the world around me and do as best as I can with diabetes.

I'm young, I'm only fifteen, I need the moments where I can just be a teenager.
"The sun will catch our hope"

Here is a rubbish drawing of me punching diabetes the Negative Nelly away c: 


-Ellie
[Peace&Insulin]