At times I find myself looking at the vial of insulin and I just think, how weird it is that without it I can't be alive; without it I wouldn't be alive almost five years after being diagnosed. I'm not even sure that "weird" is the correct word; there isn't really a word to describe it, actually. I don't think about it often because I have to get on with it and do what I have to do to stay alive, but when I stop to think about it for even for just one small moment it hits me, it hits me just how much every breath I take depends on the insulin that sits in my fridge. I live on something that too much of could kill me, then again so could too little. It's a delicate balance. I am insulin dependant. Thinking about being a type one diabetic you remember their meaning, a meaning that you don't really have time to dwell on most of the time because you're too busy keeping yourself alive.
Insulin. My immune system attacked my pancreas and stopped it from producing insulin; a hormone that I had hardly any idea about before. But then again why would I? I was 11, but after being diagnosed I knew all about it...I know too much about it. I know what I wish I didn't need to know.
Dependant. Without the replacing the insulin that my body no longer makes, I would die. It's simple.
It's mad how I was so completely unaware of a hormone that contributes so largely to sustaining life. But the fact of the matter is that before diagnosis I didn't need to know. I didn't need to know that the pancreas produces insulin and that insulin regulates blood sugar, because my body was doing all of it's jobs as it should be, and then this disease came along and took away one bodily function, and now threatens the rest of them more and more as time goes on.
The world of type one diabetes was one that I was completely thrown into and now I have all this new vocabulary in my head that has conjured up over the last five years, and it will probably continue to grow..."Hba1c" "Diabetic ketoacidosis" "Bolus" "Basal" "Novorapid" "Insulin pump" "Hyperglycemia" "Hypoglycemia" to name a few. My brain is jam-packed full of information that I didn't learn on my own terms, but information that I was forced to learn. It made me grow up, fast. And you are literally thrown into this world of blood sugar checking and insulin injecting. There can't be a gentle introduction...you can't have a gentle introduction into the fact that you will be responsible for every breath you take from the moment you are diagnosed.
There is a line that Nick Jonas says in his song 'A little bit longer' which he wrote about his diagnosis with type one diabetes; he says "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" and it's true. You don't know that you have health until it's gone. In saying that people don't know I mean it as in, it is definitely something that is taken for granted unless you have had an illness or have an illness. For me, what I had was a fully functioning pancreas; what I now know to be a very important organ and I don't have that any more. It's amazing how much our bodies work round the clock to keep us healthy; it's like a machine. Machines get oiled regularly so that they continue to work, and perhaps a mechanic would take this oil for granted- as long as it's keeping his machine healthy and he has it on hand, then it's fine; but then if that oil spills and it's gone; then suddenly it's worth becomes so much more...he realises just how much his machine needed that oil. And I think that insulin is a little bit like the oil for our bodies; it's one of those things that once it's no longer produced...you realise how much you need it. Type one diabetes has taught me not to take health for granted, but what I have also learnt is to appreciate the health that I still have and type one diabetes makes me work very hard to preserve that.
My life as a type one diabetic hangs in the balance, but I try not to focus on it too much. When I do focus on it I understand, I understand why but I wish I didn't understand why and I wish my life didn't depend on a careful balance of insulin dosages and blood sugar levels; but it does. However what I try to focus more on is the positive; the positive side being that my life could be worse. And that despite lacking in a major hormone that absence threatens all the organs in my body every day- I still focus on the health that I still have and the health that I work very hard every single day to try to keep.
I just typed that last sentence and literally just thought, I'm sixteen years old and I have an incurable disease, that has and will continue to teach me life lessons, on top of the ones that I have and continue to learn from my parents and those that I will generally learn as I get older. It's crazy that I'm so young and probably know more about being appreciative of life than most adults, because my life is in my own hands every day and I have to work so hard to make sure I don't drop it, unfortunately that is the reality of type one diabetes but like I always say; my life isn't all about type one diabetes and I work hard for a life that isn't affected by type one diabetes; I work hard and fight type one for a healthy life.
-Ellie
Thursday, 17 April 2014
Sunday, 13 April 2014
The Diabetes "Tree Of Life" Project
Back in 2011 my consultant recommended that I attend a 'Tree of life' day. I was struggling with diabetes a lot and had no one to talk to about it, so he told me about this project that had recently started up at the hospital (UCLH) called The Tree of Life. So In August 2011 I went along and it was brilliant.
It's run by the hospital psychologists and basically it's like a support group, in the fact that you spend time with other people that have type one diabetes who attend the same diabetes clinic as you. It is all centred around this idea of you being like a tree and standing strong and basically what makes up all of your branches, your trunk, your roots etc. Your "roots" are things like your parents, where your family come from, religion, stuff like that; your "trunk" is your skills and abilities, your "leaves" are significant people in your life, your "fruits" are the gifts that you give to other people, so for example- love and friendship, and finally your "flowers" are the gifts that other people have given you, for example your parents have given you the gift of life. The other parts like the ground and towards the top of the trunk are things like your dreams and hopes for the future, and daily activities that you do and hobbies.
The aim of the day is to show young people that diabetes is not all that they are, that there is more to them than type one diabetes and they will find that diabetes actually does not come up that often whilst drawing their trees. This project really helped me to realise this and I know that it still helps young people to realise this three years on; because in February they called me and a few others back to train as 'Peer trainers'.
Peer trainers serve as an "example" to the other young people who attend future Tree of life days. We join in with the group, but not as much. Basically we help people draw their trees and we prompt discussions and help the young people gain confidence and talk to one another. On Thursday me and my diabetic friend Diaz were able to put our training into action as a couple of weeks ago they asked if we would like to go along and be peer trainers for that particular group, of course we both said yes and so on Thursday we travelled up to the UCLH to be peer trainers for the day.
We arrived at 9:30am and had a brief run through of the day, then we went over to the wall and there were pieces of paper stuck up on there- one was titled 'sport', another 'music' another was 'interests' and another one was titled 'movies' basically this activity was about finding similarities and differences in each other. For example on the sports one it was a line and one end said "I hate sports" and another "I love sports" and you just had to write your name on whatever part of the line you felt was most suited to you- I put my name in the middle because I don't hate sports, but I also don't love it. When the young people came in mine and Diaz's job was to tell them to go over to the wall and fill their names in on the paper, then we sort of all just stood back to look at it once everyone had their names filled in.
There were four young people in total, not including me and Diaz. Also on this particular day they had one of the new hospital psychologists and one of the new diabetes nurses in attendance. One of the other activities we all did was to get into alphabetical order as quick as possible; that was quite funny and it got us all talking more. We all got to drawing our trees and Diaz volunteered to present hers to the group as an example for the other young people to be able to follow, they used my tree as an example of what to draw, and Diaz was an example of what to write. So we had a short break and Diaz presented hers, after that everyone else got to writing on their trees and we helped everyone figure out what they could write and I was helping out a young girl who was really quite shy and didn't say much but I'm happy that I managed to get her smiling and talking more.
All four of them presented their trees and after each one had finished presenting, the rest of the group gave them "fruits". Basically what the fruits were was as the person was talking, we wrote down positive things about them, for example from what they were saying about their family you could tell they were a very caring person, things like that. The fruits are a really good confidence builder because these "fruits" are how you come across to other people just from talking to them, so that's something really lovely for young people to be able to realise, just how much of a great person that they really are. And I think sometimes struggles with type one diabetes can make you forget that, you begin to dwell on your struggle to manage diabetes and see yourself through type one- you think "I must be an awful person, I can't even control diabetes" and actually the Tree of life project helps you see that actually that's not true; because diabetes isn't all that you are, there is so much more to a person than diabetes.
We discussed diabetes as a "storm" and we spoke about challenges that young people with diabetes face that young people without diabetes face and that none of the challenges are our fault and just how we can overcome those challenges, that diabetes isn't our fault. It was nice to see how others coped with diabetes when they struggled. We also spoke about in the "river" that life is, at times you are swimming along nicely but you can run into obstacles like rocks and perhaps big logs, that may be harder to get past, representing diabetes and the the aim is to be able to get grounded and stand strong against the current and the only time you can do this is to get out of the water and be able to reflect on life and the way you can achieve this is to be like a tree on the side of the river. Well, I may not have done the explanation the psychologists justice but it goes something like that.
During the breaks we all got on really well and had a lot of laughs together, at one point me and this young 12 year old boy had exactly the same blood sugar at the same time: 5.1 mmols. The Tree of life takes place on the 12th floor of the UCLH in the young people's school room, and the view from up there is amazing, so that prompted a lot of conversation too. At the end of the day the other young people were given certificates and they can choose a few of the "fruits" that were given to them after their presentations to put on the "my skills and abilities include..." section of the certificate, then the next part is "my hopes and dreams for the future are..." then the last part is "I would like to thank the following people for making a special contribution in my life..." (or something like that). The certificates were presented to them in a little "awards ceremony" at the end, parents and some of the doctors and nurses off of the young people's ward came in to watch. The psychologist read out their names and what it said on the certificate, then I handed them their certificate and Diaz shook their hands; it was really sweet.
Then lastly Diaz and I were presented with certificates for being peer trainers.
I really like the Tree of life days and even as a peer trainer and not really joining in as much as I did back in 2011 as a participant, I still learnt and benefited from the day just as much as I did back in 2011 when I first went. I hope I have another opportunity to be a peer trainer for future Tree of life days. If I remember correctly, I think right now the UCLH is the only hospital that actually runs the Tree of life project which is pretty special; so I feel even more honoured to have gone to one of the very first sessions and to have been able to go back on Thursday almost three years later to be a peer trainer.
I'm so glad that they actually remembered me and saw enough potential in me to call me back to be a peer trainer...they told me and Diaz that we made "brilliant role models" for the young people who attended the Tree of life day so that was really nice of them, Diaz went for the first time in 2011 I think, and the girls that were at the 'peer trainers' training day both attended in 2012 I think, I suppose they will be contacted to attend a different Tree of life day in the future as me and Diaz were peer trainers at the first one this year.
I had a really great day and I know that everybody else who attended did too. Diaz is a fab person and I'm glad I got to spend the day with her as my peer training partner, we really get along. And It was amazing to spend the day with other young people who all have type one diabetes. We all totally understand each other and I think diabetes just really gives us that instant connection, but it's the ability that we all had to take our conversations beyond diabetes that made it even more special.
-Ellie
It's run by the hospital psychologists and basically it's like a support group, in the fact that you spend time with other people that have type one diabetes who attend the same diabetes clinic as you. It is all centred around this idea of you being like a tree and standing strong and basically what makes up all of your branches, your trunk, your roots etc. Your "roots" are things like your parents, where your family come from, religion, stuff like that; your "trunk" is your skills and abilities, your "leaves" are significant people in your life, your "fruits" are the gifts that you give to other people, so for example- love and friendship, and finally your "flowers" are the gifts that other people have given you, for example your parents have given you the gift of life. The other parts like the ground and towards the top of the trunk are things like your dreams and hopes for the future, and daily activities that you do and hobbies.
The aim of the day is to show young people that diabetes is not all that they are, that there is more to them than type one diabetes and they will find that diabetes actually does not come up that often whilst drawing their trees. This project really helped me to realise this and I know that it still helps young people to realise this three years on; because in February they called me and a few others back to train as 'Peer trainers'.
Peer trainers serve as an "example" to the other young people who attend future Tree of life days. We join in with the group, but not as much. Basically we help people draw their trees and we prompt discussions and help the young people gain confidence and talk to one another. On Thursday me and my diabetic friend Diaz were able to put our training into action as a couple of weeks ago they asked if we would like to go along and be peer trainers for that particular group, of course we both said yes and so on Thursday we travelled up to the UCLH to be peer trainers for the day.
We arrived at 9:30am and had a brief run through of the day, then we went over to the wall and there were pieces of paper stuck up on there- one was titled 'sport', another 'music' another was 'interests' and another one was titled 'movies' basically this activity was about finding similarities and differences in each other. For example on the sports one it was a line and one end said "I hate sports" and another "I love sports" and you just had to write your name on whatever part of the line you felt was most suited to you- I put my name in the middle because I don't hate sports, but I also don't love it. When the young people came in mine and Diaz's job was to tell them to go over to the wall and fill their names in on the paper, then we sort of all just stood back to look at it once everyone had their names filled in.
There were four young people in total, not including me and Diaz. Also on this particular day they had one of the new hospital psychologists and one of the new diabetes nurses in attendance. One of the other activities we all did was to get into alphabetical order as quick as possible; that was quite funny and it got us all talking more. We all got to drawing our trees and Diaz volunteered to present hers to the group as an example for the other young people to be able to follow, they used my tree as an example of what to draw, and Diaz was an example of what to write. So we had a short break and Diaz presented hers, after that everyone else got to writing on their trees and we helped everyone figure out what they could write and I was helping out a young girl who was really quite shy and didn't say much but I'm happy that I managed to get her smiling and talking more.
All four of them presented their trees and after each one had finished presenting, the rest of the group gave them "fruits". Basically what the fruits were was as the person was talking, we wrote down positive things about them, for example from what they were saying about their family you could tell they were a very caring person, things like that. The fruits are a really good confidence builder because these "fruits" are how you come across to other people just from talking to them, so that's something really lovely for young people to be able to realise, just how much of a great person that they really are. And I think sometimes struggles with type one diabetes can make you forget that, you begin to dwell on your struggle to manage diabetes and see yourself through type one- you think "I must be an awful person, I can't even control diabetes" and actually the Tree of life project helps you see that actually that's not true; because diabetes isn't all that you are, there is so much more to a person than diabetes.
We discussed diabetes as a "storm" and we spoke about challenges that young people with diabetes face that young people without diabetes face and that none of the challenges are our fault and just how we can overcome those challenges, that diabetes isn't our fault. It was nice to see how others coped with diabetes when they struggled. We also spoke about in the "river" that life is, at times you are swimming along nicely but you can run into obstacles like rocks and perhaps big logs, that may be harder to get past, representing diabetes and the the aim is to be able to get grounded and stand strong against the current and the only time you can do this is to get out of the water and be able to reflect on life and the way you can achieve this is to be like a tree on the side of the river. Well, I may not have done the explanation the psychologists justice but it goes something like that.
During the breaks we all got on really well and had a lot of laughs together, at one point me and this young 12 year old boy had exactly the same blood sugar at the same time: 5.1 mmols. The Tree of life takes place on the 12th floor of the UCLH in the young people's school room, and the view from up there is amazing, so that prompted a lot of conversation too. At the end of the day the other young people were given certificates and they can choose a few of the "fruits" that were given to them after their presentations to put on the "my skills and abilities include..." section of the certificate, then the next part is "my hopes and dreams for the future are..." then the last part is "I would like to thank the following people for making a special contribution in my life..." (or something like that). The certificates were presented to them in a little "awards ceremony" at the end, parents and some of the doctors and nurses off of the young people's ward came in to watch. The psychologist read out their names and what it said on the certificate, then I handed them their certificate and Diaz shook their hands; it was really sweet.
Then lastly Diaz and I were presented with certificates for being peer trainers.
I would post a photo of my tree but that was almost three years ago and I can't exactly find it. If I find it I will just edit this post and replace this sentence with a photo of my tree!
I really like the Tree of life days and even as a peer trainer and not really joining in as much as I did back in 2011 as a participant, I still learnt and benefited from the day just as much as I did back in 2011 when I first went. I hope I have another opportunity to be a peer trainer for future Tree of life days. If I remember correctly, I think right now the UCLH is the only hospital that actually runs the Tree of life project which is pretty special; so I feel even more honoured to have gone to one of the very first sessions and to have been able to go back on Thursday almost three years later to be a peer trainer.
I'm so glad that they actually remembered me and saw enough potential in me to call me back to be a peer trainer...they told me and Diaz that we made "brilliant role models" for the young people who attended the Tree of life day so that was really nice of them, Diaz went for the first time in 2011 I think, and the girls that were at the 'peer trainers' training day both attended in 2012 I think, I suppose they will be contacted to attend a different Tree of life day in the future as me and Diaz were peer trainers at the first one this year.
I had a really great day and I know that everybody else who attended did too. Diaz is a fab person and I'm glad I got to spend the day with her as my peer training partner, we really get along. And It was amazing to spend the day with other young people who all have type one diabetes. We all totally understand each other and I think diabetes just really gives us that instant connection, but it's the ability that we all had to take our conversations beyond diabetes that made it even more special.
-Ellie
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
Dear Diabetes
Last night and this morning/today I posted a photo to Instagram, Facebook and Twitter that I had seen online; the photo was someone holding up a piece of paper that read 'Dear Diabetes'. I posted it with the caption "How would you finish this sentence?" I got a few replies and I thought I would turn them into a blog post. I view these comments on diabetes as those we wish we could say to it if it were a person; these are the thoughts that come from deep within our frustrated diabetic brains...the thoughts that hardly ever surface because we're too busy trying to keep ourselves alive to dwell on just how annoying and frustrating a life with type one diabetes is; however, most of these comments have an air of positivity about them, because no matter how great the struggle is that diabetes brings- as type one diabetics we have learnt to look for the good in our situation, whether that be being made a stronger person, or being made more aware of health. I'm going to put the comments below. Hopefully this can give non-diabetics an insight into just what goes through a diabetics head when they're asked to reflect on their disease; perhaps then non-diabetics can try to understand more just how tough it is to live with type one diabetes. You will also see that I decided to turn some of them into a drawing.
"Please F off and get out of my life. It would be much appreciated. Thanks. From your best friend, Chloe." - Chloe from Type One Teens on Facebook also known as @thattypeonediabetic
"F you diabetes!" @sami_rr
"We have been together for ten years but we never make each other happy. I think it's time we go our separate ways. P.S You we're always a bitch." @zainalitype1
"I'm tired of you getting in the way of my sweet tooth! Sometimes a girl just wants to eat an entire pint of ice cream without worrying that it will make her feet fall off!" @katie__eliza
"I am sick and tired of you interfering with almost every aspect of my life. Go take a long walk off of a short pier." @faithfulannie
"Type one diabetes can't stop us! Keep on fighting." @ciniminnie
"After twelve years of fighting and struggling I am asking you one more time...what are you doing to me? Can't you just make me happy for once and leave? I don't want to hurt your feelings...actually I do. I hate you, diabetes." @myrtheheida
"Bye!" - Jacob from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I've had enough of you. I want my childhood back. It would be great if you left and stopped causing trouble with my body. I do not want to lose any of my limbs so jump in front of a bus. From your soul mate, Naomi." @thatenglishdiabetic
"Thank you for making me grateful for everyday that I live. But stop waking me up at 3am with low blood sugar." @sarahbirmingfag
"You have changed my life in more ways than I can comprehend. My outlook on everything has changed. From the people I love to the food that I eat. You taught me that not everyone takes you for who you truly are, people have thought I am contagious. You have taught me to value everyday that I wake up, because maybe one day you could be the reason that I don't. I'm a healthier person because of you and I have a drive to tell the world all about how mean you can be and how difficult you are. I spread awareness because I hope that you won't exist any more." @help_find_cure
"Let me sleep." - Kai from Type One Teens on Facebook
"You've made me stronger, wiser and a little bit edgy. Thank you for choosing me to prove to the world what a strong person that I am and always will be. And thank you for leading me to the realisation that awareness is my responsibility." @nosa109
"Go away diabetes!" @Mrs_Nichola_D
"Can you just give me a friggen break! You're a bas**rd, but thanks to you I have met some amazing people that I now call family, you can f*** off now...thanks" - Arrianne from Type One Teens on Facebook
"It involves a lot of swearing and finishes with an 'off'!" @mikeyw_tutu
"Please F off" - Joel from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I hate you" - Jake from Type One Teens on Facebook
"F you" - Hannah from Type One Teens on Facebook, also known as @baddiabetic
"I'm inquiring about the possibility of a short break from your tyrant-like reign on my life. Any information regarding this subject would be greatly received. Many thanks, Josh." - Joshua from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I hate you. I want my pancreas to work again please." - Georgina from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Just go away already." - Maya from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I hate you. The end." - Jade from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I'm writing to seek a divorce as after our honeymoon, all we seem to do is fight. Therefore, either kindly behave or get lost! Regards, me." - Sarah from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Whilst I appreciate you giving me a good understanding of what happens to the food I've eaten, I'm not that interested to be honest." @AdrianLong3
"You're a bast**d." - Lois from Type One Teens on Facebook
"It has been a constant fight and I would ask that you let me break free from your reigns for at least a day. Please let me go a day without the pain and worry of your burdens. Thanks." - Alyssa from Type One Teens
"I want to thank you for the fact that because of you, I have met some incredible, brave and awesome people. I really appreciate that. Don't get me wrong, but your job is done now. Bye!" - Myrthe from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Please f*** off!" - Maya from Type One Teens on Facebook
"You have opened my eyes so that I can see all the good things in life and made me appreciate everyone and everything so much more." - Stephanie from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Please do us all a favour and go away because you are not wanted, you are a foe and not a friend, so stop acting all tough because you're not. One day you will be cured and us diabetics will win and live happy and healthier lives without you!...And stop making us get DKA because it's horrible!" @jayemcgovern
"I don't particularly like you very much." - Jazzy from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I f***ing hate you, but thanks to you I am who I am today; a stronger girl. I've met some amazing people because of you who are also strong, and some of who who are now my best friends. Other than that I hate you. Thanks for what you've done but could you please leave now? Cheers!" - Chloe from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Why did you kill my pancreas?" - Zoe from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Where is the cure?" - Megan from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I would also like to thank you for giving me the determination and drive to better myself. Thanks to you I have felt at a disadvantage from the word go but that has driven me to achieve so many goals! Simply to prove that I can do it even with diabetes trying to drag me down as well. You over the years have molded me into the determined, focused (possibly self destructive) fit healthy man that I am today. So thanks beta cells maybe I'm better off with out you?" - Joshua from Type One Teens on Facebook
"Can you just go?" - Mia from Type One Teens on Facebook
"I really think it's time for a break and stop stressing me out thanks! aha!" - Holly from Type One Teens on Facebook
This is type one diabetes through the eyes of the Diabetes Online Community, hence why I left people's usernames from Twitter and Instagram. I hope these comments can show people just how much of an impact type one diabetes has on a person- some are frustrated, some are grateful to type one diabetes for teaching them some positive lessons in life and some are plain fed up with dealing with this disease. I hope that for the non-diabetics or for the people who's family members or lives have not been touched by diabetes, that seeing some of these diabetics ask for just ONE day off from dealing with diabetes, you are aware of just how stressful it is.While everyone's individual views on diabetes and it's individual impact on their lives may not be exactly the same, what is the same is everyone's drive to raise awareness and to find a cure, and what is also the same is everyone's strength that we all have to be able to deal with type one diabetes.
-Ellie
Friday, 28 March 2014
Heroes don't always wear capes
It’s 3am, the middle of the night,
It’s time to make sure she is alright,
She gets out of bed,
No words are said,
She tiptoes to the end of the hall,
Trying to make no sound at all,
She looks around the door to have a peep,
There she lay, fast asleep,
So unaware,
It’s not fair,
She enters the room,
Her bed illuminated by the glimmer of the moon,
She strokes her hair,
Checks for a heartbeat she prays is still there,
Relief,
Her fingers are exposed to the sharp object,
An act every mother would reject,
But she has to do it.
Five seconds feels like forever,
Glucose tablets…fast,
Take these,
Glass of water please,
Once again she closes her eyes,
She prays for her blood sugar to rise,
She’ll check again in half an hour,
The reality of a disease so “sweet” yet so sour,
I don’t want this tonight, mum,
Not any night, my fingers are numb,
I wish it went away,
So do I, but you are brave,
And your life is mine to save
I wrote a poem the other night. It's about diabetes. But it is not about being the type one diabetic. It is about being a parent of one. Obviously I am not a parent of a type one diabetic and not even a parent for that matter. However, my parents are my rock and I do not know what I would do with out them. I am so grateful for everything that they do for me and I realise the parents of type one diabetics also go through a lot, as well as the child. It is imaginably very tough to be the parent of a type one and while I probably do not understand it entirely I have some idea; in the same way that my parents do not entirely understand the toll type one diabetes has on me but they know enough. After all I mean, you never truly understand what another person is going through unless you are in their position. The worry, the sleepless nights, the stress, the days off work, the trips to A&E etc. are all part of the toll type one takes on the parents of a type one diabetic. I take my hat off to the parents that have to deal with it and it is always important to remember that our parents do so much for us and there is always a lot of focus on the actual diabetic being strong, but I feel that the parents are equally as strong. My parents say that they are proud of me for dealing with it and I am immensely proud of them too. I wrote the poem to give the parents acknowledgement and I tried to put myself in the shoes of a parent with a type one child and it was hard because in writing the poem I felt I had so many emotions to try to convey. So, this one is for my parents and all of the other parents of kids with type one, because you are all heroes.
I wrote a poem the other night. It's about diabetes. But it is not about being the type one diabetic. It is about being a parent of one. Obviously I am not a parent of a type one diabetic and not even a parent for that matter. However, my parents are my rock and I do not know what I would do with out them. I am so grateful for everything that they do for me and I realise the parents of type one diabetics also go through a lot, as well as the child. It is imaginably very tough to be the parent of a type one and while I probably do not understand it entirely I have some idea; in the same way that my parents do not entirely understand the toll type one diabetes has on me but they know enough. After all I mean, you never truly understand what another person is going through unless you are in their position. The worry, the sleepless nights, the stress, the days off work, the trips to A&E etc. are all part of the toll type one takes on the parents of a type one diabetic. I take my hat off to the parents that have to deal with it and it is always important to remember that our parents do so much for us and there is always a lot of focus on the actual diabetic being strong, but I feel that the parents are equally as strong. My parents say that they are proud of me for dealing with it and I am immensely proud of them too. I wrote the poem to give the parents acknowledgement and I tried to put myself in the shoes of a parent with a type one child and it was hard because in writing the poem I felt I had so many emotions to try to convey. So, this one is for my parents and all of the other parents of kids with type one, because you are all heroes.
-Ellie
What I think about Type One
You know what I think about Type One? That it really sucks. It really does and I live everyday with the hope that one day this disease will no longer be a part of my life. Type one diabetes is, misunderstood and it's in a sense, the "forgotten" diabetes...or perhaps the one that people just flat-out aren't educated about. I go with the latter. Type one diabetes is, hard. All that it entails is something that is very challenging to deal with; I can't remember my life without this disease because nearly five years ago I almost felt like I had to "start over". My life was different from the day I was diagnosed. I suppose it was like learning how to walk again, except I was learning how to keep myself alive. When I stop to think about it, the gravity of what is my daily routine is very large; 95% I go about my daily life giving my insulin, testing my blood sugars and doing what I can to stay in range but then when it comes down to it and I really reflect on what I do every single day, I remember that I am literally keeping myself alive and it's so crazy to think about it like that.
I don't feel angry when I think of it. I feel frustrated but I don't feel anger towards Type One as such. Sure it's a relentless disease to deal with and requires constant attention 24/7 without fail; but if I was angry at Type One it would mean that it has never brought about anything positive in my life which it has. For example, going to Parliament with JDRF and Diabetes UK, my blog, meeting all the wonderful people on Twitter, meeting my diabetic best-friend Paris, being a part of Type One Teens on Facebook...all those positive things have come about as a result of Type One and as much as I don't want to be diabetic; I can not deny that it hasn't impacted me positively too. There are also (obviously) the negatives to a life with Type One and there are a lot...needles, high and low blood sugar, complications, carbohydrate counting; to name a few. I get frustrated when my blood sugars don't work out the way I want them to and I don't like it when I can't find the carbohydrate content in a piece of food, and I struggle, I struggle a lot with type one diabetes and there is no denying that either because it's the reality of a life with this disease.
Type One Diabetes has made me a stronger person, but it is the only reason that I have to fight to live every single day. If it wasn't for type one; I wouldn't depend on an insulin pump.
Do you know what else I think about Type One? Actually; it's what I know...
That this disease is not all of my life; of course it makes up a large majority of my life and has probably contributed to shaping me as a person over the last five years; but that isn't to say that the person I was before diabetes isn't the person I am now. Because I am still the same person; just a bit tougher; because after just eleven years of a care-free childhood I was diagnosed. But then there is the side of me that isn't diabetes; it is the part of me that type one will never touch; Type one diabetes doesn't affect the unconditional love I have for my parents and my family, nor does it tarnish my ability to be a good friend. It won't change my favourite colours or my favourite food and it doesn't change the fact that I like cats or like drinking milk. It doesn't choose my hobbies, it doesn't choose the things I like and the things I don't like...type one isn't the reason that I think insects are disgusting and that clowns are actually pretty scary. It hasn't changed my opinion that the sky is very beautiful, especially during sunset and sunrise. Type one didn't define the type of music I like and nor has it defined my personality. I am me. I am Ellie.
I'm not Ellie the type one diabetic. Yes, I am type one diabetic but I am not THE diabetic. Sure, I have it, I live with it; it's a part of my life but it's not all of it. I think it's really important for people to remember that; sometimes when diabetes is giving us a rough time it's easy to dwell on the seemingly overly negative aspect of life that is type one diabetes. So if you remember who you are, the strong person who lives with type one but isn't controlled by type one, then you know you can do it; remember you are strong because of what you deal with everyday. It lessens the sense of feeling overwhelmed by diabetes. Of course it can feel like it controls you because it requires a lot of attention and courage and patience; but it's better to not let diabetes become such a huge mental monster.
It sucks, a lot- but you know what I think about Type One? That it will never control me and won't stop me, being me.
-Ellie
I don't feel angry when I think of it. I feel frustrated but I don't feel anger towards Type One as such. Sure it's a relentless disease to deal with and requires constant attention 24/7 without fail; but if I was angry at Type One it would mean that it has never brought about anything positive in my life which it has. For example, going to Parliament with JDRF and Diabetes UK, my blog, meeting all the wonderful people on Twitter, meeting my diabetic best-friend Paris, being a part of Type One Teens on Facebook...all those positive things have come about as a result of Type One and as much as I don't want to be diabetic; I can not deny that it hasn't impacted me positively too. There are also (obviously) the negatives to a life with Type One and there are a lot...needles, high and low blood sugar, complications, carbohydrate counting; to name a few. I get frustrated when my blood sugars don't work out the way I want them to and I don't like it when I can't find the carbohydrate content in a piece of food, and I struggle, I struggle a lot with type one diabetes and there is no denying that either because it's the reality of a life with this disease.
Type One Diabetes has made me a stronger person, but it is the only reason that I have to fight to live every single day. If it wasn't for type one; I wouldn't depend on an insulin pump.
Do you know what else I think about Type One? Actually; it's what I know...
That this disease is not all of my life; of course it makes up a large majority of my life and has probably contributed to shaping me as a person over the last five years; but that isn't to say that the person I was before diabetes isn't the person I am now. Because I am still the same person; just a bit tougher; because after just eleven years of a care-free childhood I was diagnosed. But then there is the side of me that isn't diabetes; it is the part of me that type one will never touch; Type one diabetes doesn't affect the unconditional love I have for my parents and my family, nor does it tarnish my ability to be a good friend. It won't change my favourite colours or my favourite food and it doesn't change the fact that I like cats or like drinking milk. It doesn't choose my hobbies, it doesn't choose the things I like and the things I don't like...type one isn't the reason that I think insects are disgusting and that clowns are actually pretty scary. It hasn't changed my opinion that the sky is very beautiful, especially during sunset and sunrise. Type one didn't define the type of music I like and nor has it defined my personality. I am me. I am Ellie.
I'm not Ellie the type one diabetic. Yes, I am type one diabetic but I am not THE diabetic. Sure, I have it, I live with it; it's a part of my life but it's not all of it. I think it's really important for people to remember that; sometimes when diabetes is giving us a rough time it's easy to dwell on the seemingly overly negative aspect of life that is type one diabetes. So if you remember who you are, the strong person who lives with type one but isn't controlled by type one, then you know you can do it; remember you are strong because of what you deal with everyday. It lessens the sense of feeling overwhelmed by diabetes. Of course it can feel like it controls you because it requires a lot of attention and courage and patience; but it's better to not let diabetes become such a huge mental monster.
It sucks, a lot- but you know what I think about Type One? That it will never control me and won't stop me, being me.
-Ellie
Wednesday, 26 March 2014
DKA
This will be a long post so...Let me start from the beginning, last week my wisdom teeth started hurting me so we went to the dentist and he said they were mildly infected, but if they got worse to go back and he would give me antibiotics. Cut a long story short my teeth failed to get better and my blood sugars were all over the place- hovering around 15-20 despite copious amounts of insulin. On Monday morning, everything spiralled out of control really. I woke up early with a small amount of ketones, corrected and fell asleep again. When I woke up the ketones were larger and I just generally felt terrible; even giving insulin with my pen didn't touch them or my blood sugars. They were 6.1; they should be 0. I could hardly move without feeling like I was going to throw up...fast forward a few minutes and I threw up about 4 times. My parents decided it was probably best to go to A&E so we went.
Arrived at the hospital at about 9am and waited for about 10 minutes before a nurse came scurrying through. I can't really fault the hospital this time; everyone was really nice and really on the ball with everything. They knew what they were doing. I.V's were set up. One in my left wrist, another on my right hand. I felt so nauseous that I didn't want to do anything but lay down, once the saline started to kick in I didn't feel as nauseous. I also had an injection in my stomach to prevent blood clots and that hurt- it stung for at least two minutes after. The A&E doctor was very funny and made me smile; he said "I always like to inject some humour into the situation. It normally makes people smile". Once everything was all set up I was seen by various doctors including the diabetes team. (may I just mention one of them was very good looking indeed) They I would be admitted overnight because my blood was acidic and I was definitely in DKA. I was taken up to 'Quince ward'...a name that my parents, sister and I laughed about for a few minutes.
"Where? Quincy?!"
"No I think they said Quince"
"Who? Quasimodo?"
(We knew what they said really...but thought we would joke about it for a few minutes)
That made me laugh quite a bit; I was surprised I managed to keep my spirits up despite how unwell I was.
I was in A&E from about 9am till 12-ish? I was taken up to the ward which I can honestly say was about 95% OAP. That's the thing, you go from the children's ward with screaming babies to the adult ward with a bunch of old ladies, but my little friend Winifred was adorable and always smiled at me so I suppose that made it slightly better.
Que Arterial Blood Gas number 1. The doctors were surprised that I looked so "well" despite being so not well. They wanted to do an ABG to test the acidity of my blood again to see how things were going. It was improving slightly but not enough for me to look as I did; so perhaps I'm just fabulous and look great even when on the verge of a coma? I'm kidding. I still looked like a troll and felt rubbish; I just don't like feeling sorry for myself because that doesn't make things any better; plus I don't like looking like an invalid. So a few more hours passed and I just sat on the bed playing games on my phone. My blood sugar was tested every hour so about a million finger pricks passed too.
Arterial Blood Gas number 2. Really? The last time I was in DKA I had one and that was bad enough. Having two was not ideal. A nice young lady doctor came in and did it for me, thankfully the blood came out pretty quickly and it was over in a few seconds. "Good job, you hardly flinched!" I find that I have quite a high pain tolerance for those kinds of things so it was bearable despite it being such a grim blood test. After that one of the doctors from the intensive care team came down to see how I was doing- then my eyes started doing some witch craft on me and it felt (and looked) like they were going cross-eyed; that puzzled him for a few seconds while I said "Hold on. My eyes feel really weird" Then they stopped and that was the end of that.
The day nurse was really nice. She was quite chatty too so that made things better. My mum, dad and sister were with me for the whole day on Monday but then my mum had to go to work, so my auntie came to see me with my little cousin. The lady in the bed next to me was being discharged so as she was leaving she said "Do you want my TV?" Basically you could rent a TV while you were staying on the ward. "It's paid for until tomorrow?" I accepted and then my dad and the nurse went next door to unplug the TV and put it in front of my bed. I thought it was really nice of her to do that. I sat and watched New Girl for a little while before I got distracted by my phone. The signal was terrible though so I couldn't do much without holding my phone about 20 feet in the air to even gain one bar. I had another blood test done and my veins would not bleed. So the doctor said, "do you mind if I look and see if we can do it from your foot?" I nearly choked on my tea at the thought but of course, I said okay. So he tried, no blood. Then eventually got it out of one of the small veins on the underside of my wrist.
The most annoying thing was having to wait for a nurse to disconnect me from the I.V pumps so that I could go to the toilet. I was hooked up to three pumps and two fluid bags- the pumps were also plugged in and charging so I couldn't even take them with me. More boring hours ticked on, saying that, my family were very good at keeping me amused and some of the conversations the nurses had with one another were quite funny too. One was telling the other nurses about how one of the patients was refusing hospital transport to take her home and walking up and down the corridors waving a £50 note for a taxi, then she apparently "cancelled" her "dinner" with the nurse. It was quite humorous to listen to them talk about it.
8pm came about and the shifts changed. My family went home and I sat listening to music. Then I was introduced to the night-nurse. He was quite funny. Always starting a random conversation with me about something. He came over and turned on the night light and said "Let there be light!" I started laughing because of the way he said it. I didn't fall asleep until about 1am, to be honest I didn't actually realise that I fell asleep, so when I woke up at about 5:45am I thought it was the middle of the night still but I then looked over at the windows and there was light peeking through the curtains. It always feels like midnight in the morning in hospitals.
At 6am one of the doctors came round to do a blood test; it wasn't an ABG this time either, thankfully. It took him so long to try and find a vein as well- my hands were really cold and most of the "good" veins were affected by the I.V so they couldn't use those. At one point he sat back in his chair and said "Do you know any good veins?!" then we both laughed. He found one in the end after about 15 minutes.
At around 7am I had my billionth finger prick test done. My blood sugar was 4.7. The lowest that it had been in days! This was apparently a little too low because the I.V insulin would have made me go hypo so the nurse came round and "bolused" some glucose into the I.V cannula to counteract the insulin a little bit. It was so cold! My whole arm was freezing afterwards and it actually really hurt. On Monday morning in A&E a doctor walked past and waved at me and it left me kind of confused, I was wondering who he was. Anyway I saw him yesterday morning and he said "You may have seen me floating about everywhere!"...Yeah. He looked through my notes.
"That's thing about with you diabetics! You always have so many notes to look through!"
He said the results weren't as good as he hoped they would be- "You're not fully recovered yet" but the doctors were doing the ward rounds so he said he would wait to see what he says. He wanted another blood test done so when the phlebotomist walked into the bay he said "Ah! This young lady here is the most important in terms of blood tests!" She came in, tried, and still no blood. Then she called in the doctor to do it. He eventually managed to do it. So along came the doctors and they said that I could go back onto my insulin pump and off of the I.V's after lunch, then they would monitor my blood sugar for a little while after that and then I should be able to leave that afternoon. A few minutes later the young doctor came back in to do a blood test, I can't remember all of the blood tests I had the past few days but it was definitely more than three- not including the ABG tests. For most of them I had the same doctor do it- and every time he left he said "Hopefully this will be the last time!" Yeah it wasn't the last time for 95% of them. Also, if I had a £1 for every time I heard the sentence "Sharp scratch coming!" I would be rich.
Que the third ABG test. After the doctors did their ward rounds I had another blood test. This one didn't go quite so swimmingly, I said "still no blood?" but he replied after a few moments and said "Wait...yep there it is!" Then said again..."Hopefully THIS will be the last one for definite" The doctor who saw me yesterday morning came in literally just before I was due to have the I.V stopped and he said "Bad news unfortunately! You're going to have to stay on the I.V a little bit longer" The results of this one still weren't so good because it showed that my "lactate" was raised which meant I was still dehydrated and also my blood hadn't restored normal acidity yet. Then, once again...the young doctor came in again to do another blood test, the third ABG and once again...he said "Hopefully this one really is the last!" He said I was really hard to get blood out of because my veins are small. A couple more hours passed and I sat reading magazines with my mum and sister and chatting away. The doctor popped his head round the corner and said "The results of that one were better!"
Then the diabetes team came back and saw me. They discussed more about getting me off of the I.V and back on to using my insulin pump by itself again, and then...they saw that my bicarbonate was high. Which apparently means that my body STILL wasn't fully recovered from the DKA. They wanted my bicarbonate levels to be much higher than what they were. So, once again- the I.V stayed on. The diabetes consultant said "Then let's do one more ABG to check that everything is better"
Que the fourth and thankfully FINAL, ABG test.
It was the young lady doctor who did my first one. She also commented on my little veins. It was over quickly and she said "This is probably definitely the last one" and it was...My blood tests returned to near-normal again and they said that they would turn off the I.V. Finally, it was turned off. But the nurse didn't want to take out my cannulas until she was sure about me being discharged. The last few hours were a battle to keep my blood sugar under 13 mmols. If they were under 13 I could go home. Before I ate dinner they were 17.7 so things were not looking promising. I had dinner and after dinner I tested on my own meter- 13.9. So CLOSE. It was about 7pm now and I corrected with my pump and hoped with every inch of my being that my blood sugar would fall below 13. The nurse came back in..."The on-call doctor said that if you can get it below 15 now, you can go home" Well by this point I knew I had it in the bag.
8pm- 12.1.
"Yay! You can go home!"
YES.
Finally. I was so relieved. After so many blood tests and finger pricks and seeing so many different doctors and nurses and listening to them silly I.V pumps beeping, and listening to the screaming old lady next to me and everything hospital-related. I could go home. Two days spent in that smelly hospital. But I can't really fault anything they did at the hospital for me, they were all so nice and genuinely knew what they were doing so it made the experience a little bit better. Finally my cannulas were removed, and I was out of there by 8:30pm yesterday.
DKA is a horrible experience and I hate that I've been through it four times in just five years but I come back fighting and never let type one diabetes get me down. I know I will struggle in my life with type one diabetes and DKA has been one of those struggles. But I kept my spirits up and I am okay now; that's the main thing. We figured out that the episode was probably due to my wisdom teeth being infected plus I wasn't feeling very well the day before with swollen glands and a sore throat, plus I have the "monthly curse" so hormones played their part in throwing everything off course too. As strange as it sounds I am looking forward to being able to return to school tomorrow- I suppose I just appreciate being able to be at school because being at school means you're okay and aren't in hospital or off sick because of blood sugar issues. After three days off I can finally get back to catch up with work and my friends. That's how you know you're a teenage diabetic...come out of hospital and one of the first things you think about is homework or school!
So, it has been a very tiring and long last few days, I don't know how I would have got through it without my mum, dad and sister being there. Excuse the VERY long blog post. I probably still missed things out of the "story" but that's okay- you all get the picture. I'm still feeling the aftermath of my hospital stay, especially with my bruised arms, hands and a small bruise on my foot. But they will go away, and so did the DKA and I can resume "normal" life. I say normal in quotation marks because a life with type one isn't exactly normal but it's my normal.
P.S I almost forgot! Yesterday a small irish lady called Sister Agnes came round to the bay to pray with the old lady next to me; then as she was walking out she stopped by my bed and had a little chat; then asked if I wanted Holy Communion; I am Catholic but I politely refused because well, I just wasn't feeling up to it. Then I thought she was going to leave but she started to pray for me. It was really sweet of her, but at the time I was thinking "What is she doing!?" But it was a lovely thing to do.
-Ellie
"Where? Quincy?!"
"No I think they said Quince"
"Who? Quasimodo?"
(We knew what they said really...but thought we would joke about it for a few minutes)
That made me laugh quite a bit; I was surprised I managed to keep my spirits up despite how unwell I was.
I was in A&E from about 9am till 12-ish? I was taken up to the ward which I can honestly say was about 95% OAP. That's the thing, you go from the children's ward with screaming babies to the adult ward with a bunch of old ladies, but my little friend Winifred was adorable and always smiled at me so I suppose that made it slightly better.
Que Arterial Blood Gas number 1. The doctors were surprised that I looked so "well" despite being so not well. They wanted to do an ABG to test the acidity of my blood again to see how things were going. It was improving slightly but not enough for me to look as I did; so perhaps I'm just fabulous and look great even when on the verge of a coma? I'm kidding. I still looked like a troll and felt rubbish; I just don't like feeling sorry for myself because that doesn't make things any better; plus I don't like looking like an invalid. So a few more hours passed and I just sat on the bed playing games on my phone. My blood sugar was tested every hour so about a million finger pricks passed too.
Arterial Blood Gas number 2. Really? The last time I was in DKA I had one and that was bad enough. Having two was not ideal. A nice young lady doctor came in and did it for me, thankfully the blood came out pretty quickly and it was over in a few seconds. "Good job, you hardly flinched!" I find that I have quite a high pain tolerance for those kinds of things so it was bearable despite it being such a grim blood test. After that one of the doctors from the intensive care team came down to see how I was doing- then my eyes started doing some witch craft on me and it felt (and looked) like they were going cross-eyed; that puzzled him for a few seconds while I said "Hold on. My eyes feel really weird" Then they stopped and that was the end of that.
The day nurse was really nice. She was quite chatty too so that made things better. My mum, dad and sister were with me for the whole day on Monday but then my mum had to go to work, so my auntie came to see me with my little cousin. The lady in the bed next to me was being discharged so as she was leaving she said "Do you want my TV?" Basically you could rent a TV while you were staying on the ward. "It's paid for until tomorrow?" I accepted and then my dad and the nurse went next door to unplug the TV and put it in front of my bed. I thought it was really nice of her to do that. I sat and watched New Girl for a little while before I got distracted by my phone. The signal was terrible though so I couldn't do much without holding my phone about 20 feet in the air to even gain one bar. I had another blood test done and my veins would not bleed. So the doctor said, "do you mind if I look and see if we can do it from your foot?" I nearly choked on my tea at the thought but of course, I said okay. So he tried, no blood. Then eventually got it out of one of the small veins on the underside of my wrist.The most annoying thing was having to wait for a nurse to disconnect me from the I.V pumps so that I could go to the toilet. I was hooked up to three pumps and two fluid bags- the pumps were also plugged in and charging so I couldn't even take them with me. More boring hours ticked on, saying that, my family were very good at keeping me amused and some of the conversations the nurses had with one another were quite funny too. One was telling the other nurses about how one of the patients was refusing hospital transport to take her home and walking up and down the corridors waving a £50 note for a taxi, then she apparently "cancelled" her "dinner" with the nurse. It was quite humorous to listen to them talk about it.
8pm came about and the shifts changed. My family went home and I sat listening to music. Then I was introduced to the night-nurse. He was quite funny. Always starting a random conversation with me about something. He came over and turned on the night light and said "Let there be light!" I started laughing because of the way he said it. I didn't fall asleep until about 1am, to be honest I didn't actually realise that I fell asleep, so when I woke up at about 5:45am I thought it was the middle of the night still but I then looked over at the windows and there was light peeking through the curtains. It always feels like midnight in the morning in hospitals.
At 6am one of the doctors came round to do a blood test; it wasn't an ABG this time either, thankfully. It took him so long to try and find a vein as well- my hands were really cold and most of the "good" veins were affected by the I.V so they couldn't use those. At one point he sat back in his chair and said "Do you know any good veins?!" then we both laughed. He found one in the end after about 15 minutes.
At around 7am I had my billionth finger prick test done. My blood sugar was 4.7. The lowest that it had been in days! This was apparently a little too low because the I.V insulin would have made me go hypo so the nurse came round and "bolused" some glucose into the I.V cannula to counteract the insulin a little bit. It was so cold! My whole arm was freezing afterwards and it actually really hurt. On Monday morning in A&E a doctor walked past and waved at me and it left me kind of confused, I was wondering who he was. Anyway I saw him yesterday morning and he said "You may have seen me floating about everywhere!"...Yeah. He looked through my notes."That's thing about with you diabetics! You always have so many notes to look through!"
He said the results weren't as good as he hoped they would be- "You're not fully recovered yet" but the doctors were doing the ward rounds so he said he would wait to see what he says. He wanted another blood test done so when the phlebotomist walked into the bay he said "Ah! This young lady here is the most important in terms of blood tests!" She came in, tried, and still no blood. Then she called in the doctor to do it. He eventually managed to do it. So along came the doctors and they said that I could go back onto my insulin pump and off of the I.V's after lunch, then they would monitor my blood sugar for a little while after that and then I should be able to leave that afternoon. A few minutes later the young doctor came back in to do a blood test, I can't remember all of the blood tests I had the past few days but it was definitely more than three- not including the ABG tests. For most of them I had the same doctor do it- and every time he left he said "Hopefully this will be the last time!" Yeah it wasn't the last time for 95% of them. Also, if I had a £1 for every time I heard the sentence "Sharp scratch coming!" I would be rich.
Que the third ABG test. After the doctors did their ward rounds I had another blood test. This one didn't go quite so swimmingly, I said "still no blood?" but he replied after a few moments and said "Wait...yep there it is!" Then said again..."Hopefully THIS will be the last one for definite" The doctor who saw me yesterday morning came in literally just before I was due to have the I.V stopped and he said "Bad news unfortunately! You're going to have to stay on the I.V a little bit longer" The results of this one still weren't so good because it showed that my "lactate" was raised which meant I was still dehydrated and also my blood hadn't restored normal acidity yet. Then, once again...the young doctor came in again to do another blood test, the third ABG and once again...he said "Hopefully this one really is the last!" He said I was really hard to get blood out of because my veins are small. A couple more hours passed and I sat reading magazines with my mum and sister and chatting away. The doctor popped his head round the corner and said "The results of that one were better!"
Then the diabetes team came back and saw me. They discussed more about getting me off of the I.V and back on to using my insulin pump by itself again, and then...they saw that my bicarbonate was high. Which apparently means that my body STILL wasn't fully recovered from the DKA. They wanted my bicarbonate levels to be much higher than what they were. So, once again- the I.V stayed on. The diabetes consultant said "Then let's do one more ABG to check that everything is better"
Que the fourth and thankfully FINAL, ABG test.
It was the young lady doctor who did my first one. She also commented on my little veins. It was over quickly and she said "This is probably definitely the last one" and it was...My blood tests returned to near-normal again and they said that they would turn off the I.V. Finally, it was turned off. But the nurse didn't want to take out my cannulas until she was sure about me being discharged. The last few hours were a battle to keep my blood sugar under 13 mmols. If they were under 13 I could go home. Before I ate dinner they were 17.7 so things were not looking promising. I had dinner and after dinner I tested on my own meter- 13.9. So CLOSE. It was about 7pm now and I corrected with my pump and hoped with every inch of my being that my blood sugar would fall below 13. The nurse came back in..."The on-call doctor said that if you can get it below 15 now, you can go home" Well by this point I knew I had it in the bag.
8pm- 12.1.
"Yay! You can go home!"
YES.
Finally. I was so relieved. After so many blood tests and finger pricks and seeing so many different doctors and nurses and listening to them silly I.V pumps beeping, and listening to the screaming old lady next to me and everything hospital-related. I could go home. Two days spent in that smelly hospital. But I can't really fault anything they did at the hospital for me, they were all so nice and genuinely knew what they were doing so it made the experience a little bit better. Finally my cannulas were removed, and I was out of there by 8:30pm yesterday.DKA is a horrible experience and I hate that I've been through it four times in just five years but I come back fighting and never let type one diabetes get me down. I know I will struggle in my life with type one diabetes and DKA has been one of those struggles. But I kept my spirits up and I am okay now; that's the main thing. We figured out that the episode was probably due to my wisdom teeth being infected plus I wasn't feeling very well the day before with swollen glands and a sore throat, plus I have the "monthly curse" so hormones played their part in throwing everything off course too. As strange as it sounds I am looking forward to being able to return to school tomorrow- I suppose I just appreciate being able to be at school because being at school means you're okay and aren't in hospital or off sick because of blood sugar issues. After three days off I can finally get back to catch up with work and my friends. That's how you know you're a teenage diabetic...come out of hospital and one of the first things you think about is homework or school!
So, it has been a very tiring and long last few days, I don't know how I would have got through it without my mum, dad and sister being there. Excuse the VERY long blog post. I probably still missed things out of the "story" but that's okay- you all get the picture. I'm still feeling the aftermath of my hospital stay, especially with my bruised arms, hands and a small bruise on my foot. But they will go away, and so did the DKA and I can resume "normal" life. I say normal in quotation marks because a life with type one isn't exactly normal but it's my normal.
P.S I almost forgot! Yesterday a small irish lady called Sister Agnes came round to the bay to pray with the old lady next to me; then as she was walking out she stopped by my bed and had a little chat; then asked if I wanted Holy Communion; I am Catholic but I politely refused because well, I just wasn't feeling up to it. Then I thought she was going to leave but she started to pray for me. It was really sweet of her, but at the time I was thinking "What is she doing!?" But it was a lovely thing to do.
-Ellie
Monday, 17 March 2014
It's been a year
March 3rd 2013 was when I wrote my very first blog post.
I can't believe how quickly time has flown and how much my blog has grown. During the early days of setting up my blog, in every post I would comment about how many page views I had, at this point it was around 200 in the first couple of weeks and I would get so excited. Now just over a year later it's at 22,500 page views. That's so crazy but so amazing at the same time.
When I set it up at first the name was something along the lines of 'The Life of a Diabetic Teenager' but I wanted to be more creative with the name and so 'My bitter sweet life' was born. The reasoning behind it is that diabetics call themselves 'sweet' because of the sugar in our blood when our blood sugar is high and when you call being diabetic being 'sweet' it sounds as though it is a positive thing and it is in regards to the fact that type one makes you stronger and it has lead me to meeting a lot of wonderful people, the person I am most grateful for type one diabetes leading me to is Paris; and type one has given me some amazing opportunities like going doing a speech in Parliament with both JDRF and Diabetes UK. Then on the other hand having type one is 'bitter' because of all that it entails, the complications, finger pricking, injections, insulin dependence, DKA, high and low blood sugars, hospital appointments, the worry, the strain on a diabetic's parents and family and more. Combined, all of those things make My bitter sweet life.
I had no huge expectations for what I wanted to get out of this blog, I just wanted to document my life with diabetes regardless of whether or not anyone saw it. As it got more and more views I realised I had new aspirations for it, to raise awareness for type one diabetes. I would see lots of bloggers and people on Twitter working to raise awareness and it helped me realise my passion for being an advocate for diabetes. It's strange how much social media has played a huge part in my life with type one. I always share my blog posts on Twitter and people share it and favourite my tweets and I feel like Twitter and the Great Britain Online Diabetes Community really played a massive part in my blog and it's growth.
My blog made me realise how much I love to write and it helped me develop skills in my writing too. Reading other people's blogs gave me inspiration and I know a lot of my skills in the way in which I write my blog is largely down to seeing other blogs within the diabetes community. As well as writing this blog for the benefit of others it has become therapeutic for myself. I like the fact that I have a place where I can come to rant and rave about all things diabetes; I can share so much on my blog; letting out my frustrations in regards to diabetes has been a huge help and I realised just how many other diabetics there are and that there are so many kind people in this world. It doesn't seem like it but amongst the bad there are good people.
As well as it being a year since I first created my blog, it has also been a year since I first began talking to my diabetic best-friend, Paris. I mentioned her earlier in this post as being the person that I am most grateful to diabetes for leading me to.
She is 17 years old, born in July, has a twin sister and has type one diabetes. Just like me! Except for the fact that she is a year older than me, I'm 16. I first came across Paris when I saw her post a photo on Instagram about how her diabetes was getting on her nerves and she replied and we talked for a little bit on the comments section of the photo...introducing ourselves etc. She then gave me her Kik messenger username and from there on out we began talking. We have talked almost every single day for a year.
Paris gives a whole new meaning to the words "me too". When I tell her my blood sugar is high and I don't feel great she replies "me too" and in just those two words lies a whole lot of understanding. She understands exactly what I go through everyday and I understand exactly what she goes through. Her struggle is my struggle and that is why we are so close; but type one isn't the only thing we talk about; we can talk about everything and anything and I know our relationship extends further than just sharing the same disease. I go to Paris when I need some diabetes advice and she comes to me. I am so grateful to have a friend like Paris. I don't know THAT many people with type one diabetes but Paris makes up for that. I don't need to know that many people with type one, as long as I know Paris.
Blogging opened me up to a whole new world, the world of the diabetes community.
And one year on I can safely say I am proud of how far my blog has come; and one year on I am happy that I am friends with Paris, and that I am friends with all the diabetics that I have met over the years with type one. Here is to many more years with my blog and many more years of friendship.
I can't believe how quickly time has flown and how much my blog has grown. During the early days of setting up my blog, in every post I would comment about how many page views I had, at this point it was around 200 in the first couple of weeks and I would get so excited. Now just over a year later it's at 22,500 page views. That's so crazy but so amazing at the same time.
When I set it up at first the name was something along the lines of 'The Life of a Diabetic Teenager' but I wanted to be more creative with the name and so 'My bitter sweet life' was born. The reasoning behind it is that diabetics call themselves 'sweet' because of the sugar in our blood when our blood sugar is high and when you call being diabetic being 'sweet' it sounds as though it is a positive thing and it is in regards to the fact that type one makes you stronger and it has lead me to meeting a lot of wonderful people, the person I am most grateful for type one diabetes leading me to is Paris; and type one has given me some amazing opportunities like going doing a speech in Parliament with both JDRF and Diabetes UK. Then on the other hand having type one is 'bitter' because of all that it entails, the complications, finger pricking, injections, insulin dependence, DKA, high and low blood sugars, hospital appointments, the worry, the strain on a diabetic's parents and family and more. Combined, all of those things make My bitter sweet life.
I had no huge expectations for what I wanted to get out of this blog, I just wanted to document my life with diabetes regardless of whether or not anyone saw it. As it got more and more views I realised I had new aspirations for it, to raise awareness for type one diabetes. I would see lots of bloggers and people on Twitter working to raise awareness and it helped me realise my passion for being an advocate for diabetes. It's strange how much social media has played a huge part in my life with type one. I always share my blog posts on Twitter and people share it and favourite my tweets and I feel like Twitter and the Great Britain Online Diabetes Community really played a massive part in my blog and it's growth.
My blog made me realise how much I love to write and it helped me develop skills in my writing too. Reading other people's blogs gave me inspiration and I know a lot of my skills in the way in which I write my blog is largely down to seeing other blogs within the diabetes community. As well as writing this blog for the benefit of others it has become therapeutic for myself. I like the fact that I have a place where I can come to rant and rave about all things diabetes; I can share so much on my blog; letting out my frustrations in regards to diabetes has been a huge help and I realised just how many other diabetics there are and that there are so many kind people in this world. It doesn't seem like it but amongst the bad there are good people.
As well as it being a year since I first created my blog, it has also been a year since I first began talking to my diabetic best-friend, Paris. I mentioned her earlier in this post as being the person that I am most grateful to diabetes for leading me to.
She is 17 years old, born in July, has a twin sister and has type one diabetes. Just like me! Except for the fact that she is a year older than me, I'm 16. I first came across Paris when I saw her post a photo on Instagram about how her diabetes was getting on her nerves and she replied and we talked for a little bit on the comments section of the photo...introducing ourselves etc. She then gave me her Kik messenger username and from there on out we began talking. We have talked almost every single day for a year.
Paris gives a whole new meaning to the words "me too". When I tell her my blood sugar is high and I don't feel great she replies "me too" and in just those two words lies a whole lot of understanding. She understands exactly what I go through everyday and I understand exactly what she goes through. Her struggle is my struggle and that is why we are so close; but type one isn't the only thing we talk about; we can talk about everything and anything and I know our relationship extends further than just sharing the same disease. I go to Paris when I need some diabetes advice and she comes to me. I am so grateful to have a friend like Paris. I don't know THAT many people with type one diabetes but Paris makes up for that. I don't need to know that many people with type one, as long as I know Paris.
Blogging opened me up to a whole new world, the world of the diabetes community.
And one year on I can safely say I am proud of how far my blog has come; and one year on I am happy that I am friends with Paris, and that I am friends with all the diabetics that I have met over the years with type one. Here is to many more years with my blog and many more years of friendship.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)