Thursday, 2 May 2013

True strength

"Anyone can give up, it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone around you would understand if you fell apart. That's true strength"

In the midst of the high and low blood sugars, the constant worry, the finger pricking, the multiple infusion site changes, injections of insulin, the fear, the anticipation and the 24/7 attention- I feel deflated. I feel alone and I feel like there is no way I could pull myself up again and dust my self off. When moments like those occur, I feel like asking "why does everything always go wrong?" I ask, why is it that no matter what I do to stop Diabetes from mucking things up; there is always a way that it will. I get frustrated with Diabetes, like when I am battling a low blood sugar and I am so exhausted and wonder where I will muster up the strength to get through it- I feel the familiar pricking sensation in my eyes and hesitant tears roll down my cheeks because at certain points- it just...becomes...too...much.

After all, I am only fifteen years old.
I am not an adult, I never feel like I am old enough to handle my own life every single day? The days when I stare my own mortality in my face frighten me - but then, I do not want to feel defeated. I don't like feeling like Diabetes is winning but sometimes trying to hold it together is exhausting. Trapping thoughts and feelings, and tears- all cooped up inside. It isn't nice to feel numb, to feel silent at Diabetes.

And then, the storm clouds clear and the rain stops making my vision hazy and suddenly the sun appears and I can smile and see the road ahead. I smile not only at the fact that I endured yet another challenge due to Diabetes, but I feel strength. I feel an immense sense of pride because I got through something that would leave many people cowering in the corner at the thought of it.

Despite what I endure, I go through my life with a smile on my face. Even on the darkest days with diabetes I will walk out of my house with a smile on my face because I am living my life and I am going to hold it together for that day; and for the day after that and all of the days after that. Because like the quote says "giving up is the easiest thing" and it is, but as a person with Type One Diabetes, I won't give up because giving up on keeping control of Diabetes would be giving up on myself, giving up on my future.

Diabetes is not easy, it is tough and it is everything no one should have to deal with. Especially at the age of a child, or even my age. Actually at any individual age. Diabetes is serious and is not a game. It defines the difference between life and death and I will not deny the fact that Diabetes has made me a stronger person. I have learnt not to give up even in the darkest moments because I know that I will pull through somehow. I will always weather the storm. Diabetes grants those who are affected the gift of seeing the light at the end of what seems like a very dark tunnel.

The strength that all those with Diabetes, and all those affected by Diabetes harbor is the flash-light. It is the light that shines down the tunnel to reveal the light at the end of the darkness. I will have days that test my patience and my vigilance when it comes to Diabetes, and I will have more days when to cry feels like the only option- but I will remember that with every step I take on my life with Diabetes, I am one step closer to the cure and with every step I gain, I discover that little bit more strength and I muster up a little bit more courage to keep on going and not to give up.

To give up is to be defeated, and I will never let myself fall apart completely at the expense of Type One Diabetes. I will smile and I will laugh and I will show courage to those all around me; because as the quote states, true strength.

1 comment:

  1. Wow Ellie. It really sucks being a diabetic. I'm the type of person who finds a silver lining in ANY situation. I've found many silver linings in being diabetic...maybe i'll write a post about that...